A New Kind of Hatchback

 Please enjoy this short story I wrote a few years ago

Mondays

Some people get to where they're at because they worked hard.

It's nice when you know someone who can help you get ahead.

Sucks that it's not so easy for everybody. 

If you think you're the last person out there, waiting for a sign

Try and forget about all the times you felt left behind.

Mondays are as good a day as any to get started.

Easy like Sunday Morning vol.4

From making pancakes for breakfast to sleeping in; or washing the bed sheets, watching television, or finally crossing something off that To-Do list - Sundays in our home were the best thing since sliced bread.

I used to love laying in on Sundays - just the two of us. We've become used to the mattress we bought last year. It isn't soft and it isn't too firm... Imagine you really are a piece of sweet, delicious bread in between a series of thin filaments connected together but spaced widely enough apart to evenly toast you...

There isn't anything quite like Sunday mornings...

Watching

Reading

Writing

Cooking

Cleaning

Talking

Typing

or simply, scrolling.

For a while now, I can't remember the last time since the start of the 2020 global pandemic, we actually felt at ease on a Sunday morning. Instead of feeling serene I find myself wondering what to tackle first, on my second day off during the week. Like the rest of the retail world, my husband works on Saturdays. They're usually the day I keep to myself, whether that's relaxing and pampering or cleaning the house. Sometimes I'll have made a plan to meet a friend for coffee or lunch but this is all before the COVID-19 pandemic. Today I find myself lurching from drive home to alarm clock and back again.

And this Sunday is a lot different than any of the Sundays - even before. It's sombre and it's hard for me to say what I feel, but on Thursday night I found out awful and tragic news. My initial response was shock, as any normal person might find following a death. I haven't met this person but it's still distressing. What made it even more emotional was that I knew I'd have to be the one to pass on this sadness, and share what I had learned with someone else. A girlfriend of mine who did know this woman, and who had shared many meals, laughs and struggles in the past.

Death is the saddest part of life as we know it.

You don't know where you're gonna go.

I hope you go some place fucking amazing. Truly out of this world and alarming (in a good way).

People who die get to live forever in the memories of those who knew and loved them - the people they leave behind. Some leave behind generations and others their sound, visuals, or words.

Mary Ann Evans wrote, "Our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them." as George Eliot.

Dry yet somehow pulpy. Losing a loved one, and when it's your parent it's a sadness like a blunt axe; failing to pierce a rotund block of wood. Instead it chips away, achingly, sliver by sliver, delivering in return a messy, ragged, broken up piece of nature. Wide open and raw. When you learn of a death unexpectedly it can feel as if fragments of your heart are shriveling up and flaking off one by one.

How can we learn about death and dying if we don't experience it?

The truth is: we can't. 

Happy Birthday Daddy

Something I don't talk enough about is my relationship with my Father.

We didn't always get along and maybe this is why. 

What I remember most was his ability to make others laugh. He was a funny guy - cracking jokes and being silly to pass the time. As kids we liked him best this way. Now that was a long time ago.

One of his favourite things to do was play music. Our Dad had awesome taste in music and eventually he started a DJ business with a friend. They played for parties, a wedding here and there. And videos - Dad loved taking pictures and video. He never graduated High School. In fact I think I was told he stopped going half way through grade 12; said he wanted to work. He started working as a waiter in an Italian restaurant. He was 20 when he met our Mom.

When I was born we lived outside the city. Our whole block shared one phone line in the beginning, that's how far out we were. Mom told us if we wanted to use the phone we had to check first to see if the line was free. She'd tell us about picking up the phone sometimes just to silently listen in on the neighbours' conversations to pass the time. Other times they would leave the phone off the hook deliberately so she could make a call whenever she needed. Today a telephone is an extension of our hands and only people born in the '80s or earlier actually use their phone to make calls.

I didn't get a really good opportunity to be close to my Dad. He died suddenly and unexpectedly during the exam break in grade 10. It was January; dark first thing in the morning and dark again when you arrived home at the end of the day. I can't remember how that day started but I know I was home most of the week because we only needed to go into the school to take our exams. No one knew what was going on in our house. Mom left because she was worried and wouldn't take me with her because she had this gut feeling that something wasn't right. One day we saw him, his new place near the Bow River. And then he was gone.

He would buy us kids the same gifts in different colours. One year it was golf clubs for Christmas - my set was yellow. Another year we got scooters, a red one and a blue. I can still picture him squinting one eye into the video camera lens, you know the kind that takes those compact cassettes? Like any Dad on Christmas morning, "What Did You Get?" and "What Do You Think?" were the usual follow up questions. It was always an interview with Dad. He loved asking questions, that must be where I get it from.

I can still remember the morning of 9/11 in our living room. Mom was standing in the kitchen making our lunches. I was eating breakfast at the table without a clue. The kitchen and living room were on opposite walls so from where she was standing she had a full view of the TV. Dad must have heard on the radio upstairs because he had his tie on already and seemed like he was leaving for work any second. Mom was yelling, "Tony, Oh My God, This is LIVE! This is RIGHT NOW." They were glued to CNN Breaking News. These are some of the oldest memories I have of him. 

Eventually, as I got a little older my Mom shared some things with me that didn't make my sympathy for Dad increase any. I didn't have sympathy for him at all. He left. He cheated. He lied. He wanted something else, not us. It's not his fault and it's not Mom's either. But I know he had a good heart. I know he needed to be loved a lot more than he was by his own parents. And when I found out my parents were going to get divorced I didn't feel anything. It's almost as if I understood how natural that was. Bearing in mind I heard some of their screaming matches. Watched my Dad throw a cordless phone across the room, seeing it smash to pieces. Hearing the words exasperatedly, "I don't want to be a Husband. I don't want to be a Father." while I sat at the table doing my homework. The weird thing is I don't remember why I let myself get so angry. That's just who he was. He was passionate and jealous and angry, too.

To be honest with you I still have questions about what my Mom did. I want to know why Dad said some things to me. It pains me to wish I knew him better. Life is so fucking precious we seem to forget that love is often enough. My Dad hated when I'd say, "Love You Too" after telling us, "I Love You." Somehow to him it didn't hold the same meaning. But now I think I get it. And because of this I repeat the words, "I Love You" to my husband after he says it to me. 

Even if love tends to make us do strange things it's like riding a bicycle. You can't forget how to tell someone you love them. This is the best thing my Dad ever taught me. Today he would have been 54.

Easy Like Sunday Morning vol.3

The US Presidential election will happen this week.

Looking from up here I can't figure out if Trump will stay another four years. He has done a lot of good in the eyes of his supporters but I'm not so sure the rest of us would say the same. I picture Donald Trump as the cartoon villain, Ursula, from The Little Mermaid.

Like any good story, a villain helps us to better understand the protagonist. The Little Mermaid's antagonist, voiced by Pat Carroll, is power-hungry, manipulative, flamboyant, and clearly comfortable in her own skin - a devilish disruptor with a poor reputation among the other underwater dwellers. Ursula is a Sea Witch, cold and ambitious. For the most part her character maintains these traits throughout the 1989 Walt Disney classic. 

However I wish to make something very clear here: I am in no uncertain terms comparing the lovely Pat Carroll to Donald J. Trump. 

Actress and Comedienne, Pat Carroll, has a heart of gold. She reads books to senior citizens living in nursing & rehabilitation centres! Born in 1927, she's probably older than some of the folks herself. Pat Carroll and Donald Trump really only have one thing in common. 

According to my knowledge, they both played a role fabulously.

But this post isn't about Pat Carroll, really. This time we're talking about the Poor, Unfortunate Souls who in 2016 voted for a celebrity to run their "Sweet Land of Liberty".  Thinking back to January 2017 when they swore in a man who had to host a television series to find someone willing to work with him. It was like, The Bachelorette, but for a sick, old millionaire with bad hair. What has he since done for the American people? Whatever happened to the whole idea behind, "United We Stand"?

When I look down at America from my deeply-flawed province in Canada, I can tell these people are hurting. Some had taken a giant leap of faith all those years ago, by trusting a man who claimed he could, Make America Great Again. I'd love to ask those same people, now more than seven months into a global pandemic, did Donald Trump succeed? Has he given you any more freedom than you already had? If you're lying to me, well I guess he did his job.

I see the USA in fucking shambles. You can't turn on the news anymore because it's frightening. Americans are scared, now? Well what the fuck were they thinking, four years ago, voting in a Sea Witch? I have zero sympathy for those who chose to support the words and actions of the 45th President of the United States. Like Ursula, he offered temporary opportunities the way a used car salesman tries to get you to part with your pennies. "Oh, you don't have a job? Just sign here. And here. And we'll take care of the rest..."

If you didn't catch the rest, allow me to help.

You've just paid $30,000.00 for a car worth $13,000.00.

Congratulations! 

Please Vote Accordingly.

Easy Like Sunday Morning vol.2

I wasn't always happy with my name. First, Last, Middle, all of it.

It seems silly now, I know. But tell that to my former teenaged-self and it wouldn't have gone over well.

If I'm honest my name was never a problem. It's not as if people had a hard time figuring out how to pronounce it. You just start with the first two letters, add the next two and the last two syllables are a whole ass name in itself. I guess that's what happens when your name is seven letters: you end up with more than one name.

The reason I had a problem with my surname was then, I didn't get along well with my Dad. Regardless of that relationship, there isn't anyone I've met with the same first and last name as me. 

I'll admit my middle name is as common as they come - like Mike or Jennifer. And there are plenty of people who choose to go by her/his middle name. Others don't have one at all.

This week I'm trying to convince my godson and his older brother (16) they both have extremely unique and beautiful first names. We haven't made much progress on Day Four.

Ten years ago I was asked to baptize my cousin. Not just any cousin, but my 2nd first cousin on my Mom's side. He was three at the time. I remember how excited he was that day at church, running around, laughing; so small he sat on your lap when he wanted something to eat. At that age he wasn't concerned about the way people pronounced his name. He was too little to have friends and the strangers in his life didn't mean a thing. Fast-forward to Grade 8, he's at a new school, in a new city and province. All of a sudden he says he hates his name. He's old enough to care what others actually think about him.

I'll admit the combination of these three challenges for the average kid can be overwhelming. My godson attended a private school for the first 12 years of his life. Up until this past September, he had been surrounded by the same students each and every year. He never had to worry about his favourite sneakers getting dirty because the students wore the exact same uniform, right down to the black shoes. 

Maybe in Grades One and Two there were a handful of people who had difficulty pronouncing his first name; a very common name in our culture meaning, 'John'. Once he found the group of people he wanted to hang out with it wasn't necessary to correct them on the pronunciation. They know him well enough. Dare I say it - private school teachers and students are dearly acute...

We moved a few times during my own childhood. First from the acreage to our family's first home, where my brother was born a couple years later. Then we moved back in with my Mom's parents while our new home was being built. Mom and Dad built a gorgeous house for us right in the same community as Grandma and Grandpa! Then one day our parents sat us down in the living room and told us Daddy was moving out of the house for a while. I was eight years old. And since Mom couldn't afford the house on her own, we had to move again. 

And though we never left the city we were forced to adapt each time. We were kids though, so I think we just rolled with the punches. When you have to uproot your whole life at 13 or 16 it's almost like navigating a secret identity. Nothing makes sense for a while and you so badly want to fit in, but at the same time you don't feel comfortable giving up all that you are. This is where I think I have a hard time understanding the whole bit about hating your name. We hadn't heard a thing about it till we came to visit them in their new city.

After moving from a metropolis to a tiny lake city, both of my cousins no longer wish to be called by their birth names. The reason is because teachers and students can't pronounce it, and it's confusing to me because their parents are divided about the way they feel.
Dad's upset.
Says he wants the boys to correct people each and every time.
Mom's being a lot more understanding, considering the number of changes the boys are taking on these days. But now there's something called, "a Preferred Name" at public schools. It may be just what they needed to feel like they're fitting in. 

Each school we attended was a catholic school. Both my brother and I have unique names, and since we met people from our culture in school, they had heard our names before. My brother still goes by the nickname our family gave him, but it wasn't because they couldn't say his name. For me it was my surname, and I can remember asking Dad in person if I can use Mom's last name in High School instead. I just wanted to be called something else because I was a teenager and at the time I was angry. But when I think about it more it's because we were both young and didn't appreciate the names we were given. My mom chose my name because, well it's a beautiful name. And my brother is named after our Dad's Father (something we tend to do as Italians).

Now the boys attend public school and have to retake some of the subject courses they've already been taught in previous grades. Public school is a mix of affluent, intelligent kids with kids who haven't had the same opportunities. Public school is where you try telling the substitute teacher how to say your name and she STILL gets it wrong. The teachers seem to have less expectations than the students do. And yes, there was a bit of sarcasm in that last sentence but I'm not joking when I tell my godson to talk back to a teacher who can't pronounce his name properly. He comes from a fantastic family who gave him a private school education... he'll never tell a teacher off in his life.

But if I were actually him I'd be marching down to the principal's office to have a fucking chat about phonics. 

Easy Like Sunday Morning vol.1

My husband's good friend's wife gave birth to their first child last summer. She was like a porcelain doll, so small and fragile. In the beginning, as with any of our friends who have babies, we didn't bother the new parents by wanting a visit right away. I remember she was two months old the first time her and I met each other. As I held her in my arms, her tiny body warmed my soul. Today she's 15 1/2 months and her Dad tells us he can't keep up with her little feet marching around their house. They only stay this way for so long, at least that's what I'm told.

When I think back to the beginning of the pandemic, mid-March 2020, to the time when we were all wondering how the hell we were going to get through this, I remember feeling from people - notably strangers, a touch of community, calm and kindness. Seven months ago we were given this global reminder we are mere mortals. And the main thing, if we want to get through or past this super fucked up period in history, is: we must do it together. We should try and remember the way we felt, more than half a year ago now, when the health of Earth was at an all-time low. Albeit we've come a long way... I fear the worst is yet to come.

People say we have less than 75 days until the year 2021 but what does that mean? 

The coronavirus won't expire when the ball drops on New Year's Eve. 

Are we suddenly not going to worry about physical distancing? 

Will our children grow up to be germ-fearing adults?

Do we have a collective understanding of how very real all of this is?

Are we able to accept what needs to be done, for our economy to rebound?

I don't know what to tell you if Canadians are still fighting wearing a mask.

I wish I could feel a push in the right direction for the future of our province. But the more time we spend "in isolation" the more I feel our wonderful country fill with hate.

As I look outside my kitchen window this morning, with snow falling like flour being sifted from the sky, I wish we could go back to August when they told us wearing masks in public indoor spaces in mandatory. We didn't realize then how easy it really was.

Need to go to the bank? Wear a mask.

Buying groceries? Put your mask on.

Taking the train? Mask up!

Want to support your local businesses? Bring your mask!

The sad thing about people who refuse to wear a mask is they don't love themselves enough to care about others. 

Why Canadians weren't more considerate of peers prior to March 2020 should be the question.

You don't feel well and must go into work? Wear a fucking mask so you don't spread what you have.

This is such a normal act in other countries, yet for the rednecks of the United States of Alberta, I see it's a pretty big deal. 

What are you teaching our children?

Are you better because you're taking a stand against common courtesy?

You don't even know how easy we have it here.

Please enlighten us...

Something tells me if we don't open our eyes soon it's going to be a longer road back to "normal".

And it doesn't mean we all have to think the same.

The reason our world here in Canada is so fantastic is because we have the freedom to think unlike our neighbours. I learned to appreciate that point myself just this year. And the more I think about it, thinking about how far we've come (in my opinion, not very far at all) makes me worry.

I so deeply want the children of our friends; our nieces and nephews; eventually our own kids, to grow up in a world that goes above and beyond to protect it.

I hope to be the kind of parent who shows their child a good way to act and the right time to rebel. Though we may believe differently, we are all the same on Sunday mornings...

Having a tough time believing tomorrow is Monday, again.

NEWSFLASH 🗲

We are tiny little creatures.

And it looks like we've gone back millions of steps in time.

Like we don't have a clue how we got here.

Forgetting the world is a fucking circus.

My People

Of all the beasts - both mythical, and real life, family sticks out for me as the gnarliest.
The first time you cry, you're usually naked and surrounded by your family.
This is how vulnerable these people make us.
Some would call family a great masterpiece. Others, not so much...
By dictionary definition,
family is a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head, but also a unit of a crime syndicate (such as the Mafia) operating within a geographical area.
Call it a household, a horde or a herd, family will often stop at nothing to help or hurt one another.

My family isn't the worst, naturally if you asked me I'd tell you they're the fucking best. Because they are. My Mother is early fifties, traveling saleswoman with her own business. She has put herself next to last for so long and still raises my 25-year-old brother like her baby boy. I think a lot of Mothers and Sons have unique relationships no one could ever replace. The same goes for a loving Father-Daughter bond. Some people know this, many do not.
We have fun, we have flaws and we're far from perfect. That's family.

In our house, we grew up watching The Flintstones and Home Improvement. Mom said The Flintstones was her favourite cartoon growing up so she shared it with her children. Her brother preferred Aquaman and Super Friends. His kids watched Twilight and Breaking Bad.
There is no denying it - TV does a great job of showing how family will go to the ends of the Earth for each other. Some call it tradition; simply routine. 

Others have no experience of a protective family.
What I take away, is how we all seem to ignore the faults and dramas within our own homes, yet can't seem to get enough of fictional families with dysfunctional and tumultuous dynamics, i.e. Arrested Development, Desperate Housewives, Dynasty, Shameless, Sons of Anarchy,  Weeds, and as if we even cared about Keeping up with the Kardashians. Oh television, you glorious bastard.

We grew up having dinner at Grandma's on Sundays. The smell of the house as you walked in was wicked, really. Something was usually on the TV but neither Grams or Gramps had glanced at it since they turned it on that morning. From 3:00 p.m. we'd stay six, seven, eight hours.
Around the kitchen table is where all the ideas and dialogues collide. 

But in the background, TV was on.

TV was a central part of the home. Was it magic or coincidence?
I'm picturing Danny Devito and Rhea Pearlman as Harry & Zinnia Wormwood, sitting with a TV tray in between them and the game show network. Danny Devito grabs Mara Wilson's face, forcing her to stare at some guy compete for cash. Beautiful women use large paint brushes to cover him in glue before he's sent into one of those wind tunnel capsules. The TV explodes. Matilda says, "I didn't do it." Zinnia thinks it's because it's a cheap set. Harry says, "It's not a cheap set, it's a stolen set."

Like Full House, Uncle Joey is our Mom's little brother, Uncle Joe, in real life. My brother and I looked to him like a Father figure. My Grandpa basically raised me, (my Mom's words) and ultimately became the man who we continue to look up to today. And in between our parents' separation and losing Dad when we were kids, our family grew.

I have a Step-Dad and three stepbrothers who each have children in the flesh or if not, fur. We get along at family gatherings. Like anyone, we have our ups and our downs. Everybody comes with their own complexities and that isn't a bad thing. The word family usually causes us to think of blood relatives, genes, parents or lack thereof. When I think of family I imagine the happy orange juice commercials from long ago; Mom wearing an apron and a smile in the kitchen; Dad sitting at the head of the table with his reading glasses on, newspaper in hand and a cup of coffee within reach; Son and  Daughter, their eyes twinkling with love and adoration as plates full of breakfast food appear in front of them. Someone told me this is the "Million-Dollar Family," and in my opinion that's just too fucking perfect.

No family is an OJ commercial, but they are forever.

When I think back to the last time my family was really happy it's not easy. 

My Grandma detests the term, "broken family", but if the shoe fits...

I know the saying goes, 'family means well,' but since we're all human, we can all make mistakes.

I recently decided F A M I L Y stood for, Forgiving All Mistakes, I Love You.
Then I thought, maybe there's something out there that tells me what family really stands for.
A quick Google search brought me to AcronymFinder.com
Family can also mean:
-Forget About Money, I Love You
-Father And Mother, I Love You
-Forever, Always, Mine, I Love You
-Forget About Me, I Love You
-Family Always Means I Love You
Seeing this last one made me wish I had spent more time working on my acronyms growing up. Forgiving mistakes is just one of a million things families do for us. Forgiveness comes from a place of love and understanding. Even though we may not agree with the things our parents, siblings or even our bosses do, we respect their decisions and accept we are still part of something much larger. Family isn't great because of your bloodline, no - that's science. The greatest thing about family is not the incredibility of dark hair and blue eyes either. It's not buying a home, sharing stories or the chance to make fun of each other.

Over time I learned family is not so much a group as it is a feeling. 

Those few people you can stand to be in the same room with, while the TV is on in the background and no one is watching it - that's Family.

The after-work dinner or drinks with your colleagues, when everyone wants to talk about the job but no one wants to be the first to bring it up - that's Family. 

The greatest part about family is they're your people.

5 10 20

The morning toke, moments ago.
Thinking about the dead bush in the corner.
Near the fence at the front of our house.

Because it was directly in my view. 

It hurts me but I'm not being cut down.

Seeing not a soul except for magpie.
I look at the calendar in my mind.
Five Ten Twenty minutes go by.
And it's tomorrow.

Self-Isolation: Day 10

Today is Sunday April 26 2020.

For ten days we've been living inside our home like a rabbit underground.
Popping up only to sniff the air for a moment.
I swept the garage earlier today and it felt refreshing as hell to remove a layer of dust;

dead leaves.
While things have been different during these days of self-isolation, it's almost like it has given us a new opportunity to be appreciative of the world around us.

I make quesadillas for breakfast this morning after sautéing some onions and red peppers.

The first one turns out decent (you can tell I haven't done this before)

And the second one nearly doesn't turn out at all. I end up having to turn off the stove, wash the frying pan and start over. It took me a couple hours, but I thought about the kitchen utensil that would have made things easier for me. It's always the same one I seem to forget - tongs!

Tongs are obviously the most underrated of all the utensils. You can use them for easy lifting, flipping, and moving. But this post isn't about the multiple uses for kitchen tongs.

Today's post is about the same thing as many others before it - it's the end of an era.

Our self-isolating ends tonight. Tomorrow morning my husband and I can both leave the house and go to our second homes again. I think it's a pretty special thing to know our bosses both miss us; our teams miss us. Having a supportive environment makes all the difference when it comes to getting out of bed for work in the mornings. I know both of us have two little words floating in the back of our minds, still, as we head into this final week of April; month end. 

For sales professionals, 'month-end' is either a shitshow or a shit show. Compared to last April, our numbers are both down. The price of oil in Alberta is well below where any of us thought it could sit. We have to become more creative than ever if we want to earn clients now. We still have targets to hit. If we leverage the platforms and skills we have - what do they say?

All our cards on the table? No beating around the bush?

The eggs are in more than one basket around here!

Another thing I've been working on these past ten days is my condo. Its been vacant since November and I have found new tenants, set to move in on the first of the month.

Whenever I think of my townhouse I get pretty sentimental. Six years ago I bought my first place, leaving my Mom's nest. It's a three-story property with two master bedrooms and a basement that doubles as the furnace-room-and-garage. I love that house until December 4th when I got a phone call saying there had been a flood. A flood, in the middle of fucking winter. This is what happens when you rent your house to pieces of shit who can't figure out how to put up a universal smoke detector. 

Three months and more than $28,000 later I have new vinyl plank flooring and a big, fat insurance claim. Thank you very much you fucking brats.

I think the real problem I have is no matter what, I'm always going to be the landlady to someone younger than me. This bothers me more than I can say.

I remember telling my husband after I bought my townhouse, it was like I had no friends. They didn't want to come over and visit me because it meant coming to "My House", and that was just "Weird."

I don't even remember feeling super proud to be a homeowner, since the people I thought cared about me now gave me this look like they couldn't understand someone who'd ask for that much responsibility. Since then I've really learned being a homeowner isn't all it's cracked up to be. Still I'll never regret the decision to buy a house at 21.

Tonight there was a concert hosted by Rick Mercer called Stronger Together and it aired it on all the major networks; CTV, Global, CBC, Citytv. Stronger Together Canada brought Canadian stars on screen for messages of support, songs for frontline works and lots and lots of Thank You's to our first responders, grocery store staff, pharmacists, delivery drivers, and too many others putting their lives at risk so that the rest of the world can still carry on. #StrongerTogether was trending on Twitter when I checked my phone half way through. I had to send a text message to one of my clients as well.

About a month ago he called me with an idea, asking for my thoughts. 

He says, "I made a new website." Check it out.

Thinking about what he could do for his community, while the pandemic carries out its run here in Alberta, he started Stronger2gether.ca

100% of sales of the premium clothing line 'STRONGER TOGETHER 2020' goes directly to charities, including food banks of Southern Alberta. 

I knew it was an excellent idea when he told me about it and sitting there watching great Canadian singer-songwriters like Tom Cochrane and Buffy Sainte-Marie, he texts me back to say, "Another order!" 

"And another."

It's getting close to midnight and I must be on my way to bed.

Thank you for the opportunity to protect and scribe. 

Until tomorrow.

PS. Super Saturation from Cabin Brewing of Calgary, Alberta 

This is 'I'm not even done yet and I'm going to need more yummy', New England Pale Ale @CabinBrewing #Abcraftbeer pic.twitter.com/k7gAjFix0t

— polly sparks (@__aiw) April 26, 2020

Self Isolation: Day 9

Today is Saturday, April 25th 2020

My coworker got his COVID-19 test results back this morning and they are like mine, negative.
Excellent news to start off the weekend with!
This doesn't mean we can't contract Coronavirus, but we are in the clear.
I can go back to work on Monday.
In the back of my mind I think the worst may still be on its way. Especially if the President of the United States doesn't understand the meaning of sarcasm. 
I really hope it's not just me who thinks Donald Trump is a baby in a playpen, learning how to talk. Touching things that interest him and saying whatever noise comes out of his mouth first.
Then taking the interesting things and putting them into his mouth.

My husband made me eggs this morning and I ate them with two slices of toast and some cantaloupe for breakfast. Afterwards I forced myself to go outside and start raking the leaves in the backyard.
Yard maintenance is hands down the worst of my first world problems. Our backyard is so wide we share the fence with four other homes. I wouldn't call all of them 'neighbours' though.

While I was outside I called my colleague who covered for me this past week at the office, to see how she felt about things. FaceTime is great for quickly catching up with someone. It's 100x better than a phone call when you can, at least I highly recommend it.
Sending a text message is only good for quick announcements,
- telling someone you're on the way
- also known as, letting your boss known you're running behind, or
- if you're on a bad date and need to be rescued
- asking someone a question you don't need to know the answer to immediately
A video chat is superior because you don't need to imagine the tone of the dialogue
Before the COVID-19 pandemic, the only time we would Skype is when we wanted to chat to our family and friends who lived in other cities, or back home while we're on vacation somewhere.
Communication tools are suddenly being worshiped.

As I look over at the kitchen window where the plants live, I see the Poinsettia my aunt gifted us at Christmas turning brown. Leaves, formerly green have dried and fallen off onto the windowsill. Below it on the hardwood floor is my Aloe Vera, looking worse if I'm being honest.
I don't know whether to cry or laugh. Yesterday I threw the lemon tree into the green bin.
I take a closer look at the aloe and determine it needs more sunlight. And I'm not going to cry.
My solution to the pandemic is 1. wash my fucking hands 2. laugh my fucking ass off and 3. bring my houseplants back to life. Am I losing it?

The trouble is, we are treating this as a threat to public health and nobody knows when restrictions will end but everybody seems to have some sort of symptom! I think these could be related to the weather, the seasons changing and possibly something called hay fever?

I'm taking a break now, it's almost 4:20.

Self-Isolation: Day 8

Today is Friday, April 24 2020

Waking up alongside the bright orange sun makes me smile.

But only for a moment.

A week ago I performed the online self assessment for Coronavirus through Alberta Health. And yesterday I got the good news by automated phone call from AHS COVID.
My COVID-19 test results turned out negative. My nose is somewhat runny however I'm not considering this as a symptom of COVID-19 at this point. My colleague who tested the same day has not received his COVID-19 test results.

Each day, my commute to work would start with the University of Calgary radio station - CJSW.
I love listening to the disc jockeys explain why they choose specific songs. CJSW is an excellent place to hear songs you might not hear too often, and you also learn about artists who don't ever get the chance to be heard on the radio. That's probably the best/coolest part.
I'm listening now.
Currently, Seven Day Fool is playing.
Not only do I love this song but now I'm starting to think about how great a fit it is
Do you have a favourite day of the week?
Mine used to be Tuesdays since it was after Monday and we all know how manic Mondays can be. Then in college my favourite day became Thursdays since it was Student Night and that meant crazy deals on triple-highballs at the campus bar. #ThursDen (as in the University of Calgary's watering hole, "The Den.") Those were some of the most embarrassing nights of our lives.
Since March we have had major changes in our routines. We've had no choice but to adapt and adjust.
Seven days seem to blend together these days. Even though it has only been seven weeks, or eight now I'm not even sure - we must exude love. We must continue to show just how loving we can be.
We are living in the textbooks of the future right now.
Even though we can't physically hug, we can send hugs virtually through GIFs and emojis.
It's almost too easy to share love these days. Send someone a video clip or a song.
Make a playlist, like this Classic Metal Mixtape for 4/20 by CC Getty.

{19:50} I'm listening to it now.
Hit The Lights by Metallica is playing.

As my head bangs back and forth someone tells me to eat dinner.
I have the best husband in the whole world.

Thank you for the opportunity to protect and scribe.
Until tomorrow.

Self-Isolation: Day 7

Today is Thursday, April 23rd 2020

It's official - for seven days we have been at home, self-isolating.
I took down the sign in the window at our front door.
Anxious to hear back from Alberta Health about my COVID-19 test results.
Fuck it.
I didn't get laid off. I continue to work-from-home, self-isolation in Calgary is a blessing. Compared to the seriously vulnerable communities, those already at risk, we have nothing to complain about. Alberta Health is doing their job and so should we. But we're not really doing anything.
We can do better as I touched on yesterday - but we have to do more.

We simply must provide access to testing everywhere in this country.

{10:08 a.m.}
AHS COVID displays on my Samsung Galaxy S7
Incoming call, I answer.
It's an automated message for (insert my legal name here)
"The results of your COVID test are N E G A T I V E"
That's it?
Thank God, I mean, but, I mean, that's it?

According to my calculations, COVID-19 testing in Alberta takes approximately 7 days from requisition to results. I must continue self-isolating for 10 days or until symptoms stop (whichever is longer). This is the recommendation I received after a nurse phoned me on Friday last week following my COVID online self-assessment through Alberta Health.
I still have a runny nose.
Yesterday, I started the day with a headache. This is the main concern with Coronavirus: it is a number of viruses contained in one. We've seen COVID-19 already before.

My husband pours me a bowl of Jordans Morning Crisp this time. He slices half a banana. Fuck Yeah! And all of this seems like such a normal thing to do, but in the background a lot has happened in our lives since Friday the 13th.
I almost feel like that was the last day normal things really occurred.
Millions of Canadians have since lost incomes.
Even if the layoff is considered temporary, we have to think big picture. The majority of people will not look at our Prime Minister, or security of any kind, (emotional, financial, social, economical, etc.) the same way again. Asking for change all this time and only now do we clue in - we didn't get our shit together... last year? Now how does the government suddenly think they know, when, and how we're safe to resume work at full-speed?
Thankfully we have the boss, Dr. Deena Hinshaw.
I heard her say, "we are our best defense."
She's the only one we really trust.

Some of you know we got married about 8 weeks ago. You could say we're honeymooning in our home. Our friends have started to receive 'Thank You' cards in the mail - sending us well wishes via text message. We've remarked how lucky our wedding went off (without a hitch, ha!). Our last time together in a large group before gathering restrictions were put in place, was our wedding reception on the Leap Year Day.

Some of our family was unable to leave Asia to make our wedding. Because the borders between Laos and Thailand had already closed, aunts, uncles and cousins could not obtain travel visas to come to Canada. The sad part about this was it would have been their very first time visiting the Great White North. Where did that come from anyway - Great White North?
I guess it could have been Bob and Doug Mckenzie back in the good old days of Second City Television.

SCTV ran between 1976 and 1984 as a Canadian Television Sketch Comedy Show.
The comedy tells the story of a fictitious TV broadcast station (later network) in Melonville. To this day I'm not sure anyone really knows where Melonville was supposed to be. It was a funny show and I think six seasons aired on NBC. During its network run the show received 15 Emmy nominations. Sometimes episodes would compete for the Emmy. I watched a couple clips on YouTube tonight.

Right after, we learned The Calgary Stampede is cancelled for 2020.
It would have started on my birthday this year. But it was the right move.
Thank you for the opportunity to protect and scribe.
Until tomorrow.

Self-Isolation: Day 6

Today is Wednesday, April 22 2020

It's pretty overcast so far this 'Hump Day.'
Usually the middle of the week is a busy time for both my husband and I.
He's supposed to be starting his 20 days of vacation tomorrow - but we've both got a feeling his boss is not going to make him take it because he's too valuable.
On Day 3 of self-isolation in Calgary, I spoke openly about how car dealership owners can be such bullshit to work for.

I washed some raspberries and poured us 2 bowls of Jordans Morning Crisp cereal. Their range of breakfast products includes Muesli and Granola and they're fabulous. If you are not a fan of breakfast I don't think I'll be able to properly trust you. Ron Swanson said, 'There isn't a sadness that breakfast food can't cure.' and I trust Ron Swanson.

Since starting our self-isolation I've somehow learned to live with the constant feeling of being scared. Coronavirus isn't going away any time soon. Work-from-Home is here to stay for the foreseeable future and it's OK to feel uncomfortable, angry, and frustrated. It is a terrible situation we're in but I also learned we're on the same team.
As the days turn into summer ones, and we begin to feel the itch to get out more and live our lives the way we're familiar. We must do better.

My boss called this morning and we chatted for the better part of an hour. He's the kind of leader who just lets his staff, 'get on.' Since he's from the UK I found it a bit difficult to understand what he was saying in the beginning. After working with him for three years now I'll even find myself using words consecutively that he would in conversation (minus the English accent, of course).
This man has been a paratrooper in the army, prison guard, police officer; twice a husband, twice a father; an IT professional; Walmart employee stocking shelves; large-format printer Technician and Branch Manager. He's truly the best boss I have ever had the pleasure to work for and with. He believes it's no use hiring smart people if you don't let them "get on with it." And he taught me to be critically cynical (something his boss dislikes) because it makes him a cynical old bastard (his words, not mine).

For lunch I whip up egg salad. I hear a lot of people don't like egg salad but I think the best part about egg salad is you can turn it into a sandwich with just about any type of bread (one of my favourite things). You can spread the egg salad on a thick slice like baguette or ciabatta and enjoy open-face. Today I just toasted 4 slices of whole wheat bread and loaded as much egg salad in between slices.

Apparently my recipe for Egg Salad Sandwiches is pretty amazing so I'll leave it here.
For 2 big ass sandwiches I use 3-4 eggs depending on size.
1. Once your boiled eggs have cooled, peel and cut them into quarters
2. Toss eggs in a small mixing bowl with 1 avocado, 1/3 cup mayonnaise, and a squirt of yellow mustard
3. Season with 1 teaspoon cumin + 1 teaspoon paprika + 1 teaspoon salt then pepper to taste
4. Combine well. If you like cilantro you can chop some fresh and garnish the egg salad before serving.
I don't have any cilantro in the fridge so we went without this time.
CONGRATULATIONS!
Your kitchen is now stinky!

I hope I could make you laugh there because laughter will forever be the best kind of medicine. One medicine we need a lot more of now.
If you're still paying close attention to media and news reports these days you know what it looks like. I can only encourage you to watch or read something humorous. Stay away from TikTok though, I swear it's a trap. For reading material, David Duchovny's "Holy Cow" is a good start. For a feel-good movie, check out The Cobbler featuring the ever-hilarious Adam Sandler. Hang in there.

Thank you for the opportunity to protect and scribe.
Until tomorrow.

Self-Isolation: Day 5

Today is Tuesday, April 21st 2020

We woke up really early this morning. I think it was barely 05:00.

Last night we watched the first 2 episodes of COOKED with Cannabis on Netflix. The cannabis-infused cooking competition is co-hosted by Kelis (singer of 'Milkshake' and chef) and Portland-based chef and cannabis enthusiast, Leather Storrs. What a name to name your child!
Since the competitors are considered experts in cannabis cooking, the appetizers, entrees and desserts created are absolutely stunning. We didn't want to eat everything in the pantry in one night so we had to switch TV shows.
Afterwards we drifted back four years to take in Dana Carvey: Straight White Male, 60, originally released in November 2016.

I can't believe I'm going to admit that I forgot this, but Carvey played a small role in Rob Reiner's 1984 film 'This Is Spinal Tap'. If you have no clue what I'm referring to you can watch the official trailer on YouTube here.
If you've continued reading this then you might have been turned off by the trailer for the Spinal Tap movie and to that I will say Rotten Tomatoes has scored this bad boy a 95% on the tomatometer. It really is an all-time comedy classic.

I taped a note to the window by our front door this morning.
Basically it explains we are self-isolating for another five days and would appreciate if you rang the doorbell and left any deliveries on the front step.
We've started to order groceries, of course, but how could I disregard a bit of local craft beer through Wise Guys Liquor of Calgary? One of the owners, Sean has made me reconsider the majority of liquor store operators due to his award-winning attitude. If I stop by the store he's often there with a smile on his face, ready to help with your beer, wine or spirits purchase. For a long time I thought people who ran liquor stores didn't understand or care about the types of alcohol they offered their customers. Sean typically give you options and he's never been shy to mention the price. I'll put my hand on my heart and say the service you'll receive from Sean and the entire Wise Guys Liquor team is phenomenal. Since the coronavirus pandemic they have been handling online orders like a dream, and Sean will personally give you a call to provide an update on your order's status, or let you know if there might be anything currently out of stock.

About an hour ago I got a phone call from a nurse at Alberta Health. They can schedule my COVID-19 Testing for this afternoon. As they work through what I can only imagine is dozens of thousands of requests, the nurse's voice on the other end sounded intensely positive and collected. She gave me the directions to C3 Church Calgary West, where Drive-Thru Testing for Coronavirus (COVID-19) is taking place for someone like me who lives in Northwest Calgary. The important thing to mention  here is one cannot simply head over to C3 Church and Drive-Thru Testing for COVID-19. You must be referred by public health, and have had a phone call from a nurse just as I have done.
I hope you never have to worry about getting tested for coronavirus.
But in the event you do, I'll be back to give you an update on the whole process....

{About 6:00 p.m.}
Earlier I drove west on Highway 1 towards the mountains. It was showing 18° Celsius in my Toyota Prius. I felt a little weird to be driving for the first time since last Thursday. My husband told me to drive the new Volkswagen Atlas CrossSport and give him my thoughts. It's a nice vehicle.

After not 1 but 2 U-turns I managed to find myself at C3 Church where Drive-Thru COVID-19 Testing is set-up by Alberta Health. Rows of skinny, orange pylons indicating lanes greet me as I pull up, it looks like I'm the first in line. The first woman mentioned they are slow this afternoon (I guess that's a good thing?) and she guides me to follow the pylons till I get to the next assistant. I park my car underneath a white tent and shut off the engine.
There's a Toyota in front of me, Corolla.

Not two minutes later a woman approaches my window wearing PPE and hands me a single sheet of paper - an e-mail, printed, originally sent March 12, 2020. It reads: You have been tested because your risk of having COVID-19 is higher than most Albertans. We know it can be frightening to wait for test results and you are likely worried about your well-being and the well-being of people around you. Even though you are at higher risk, it is still very likely that your symptoms are caused by one of the many other common viruses that cause respiratory symptoms, such as the influenza virus. 
She asks me to hold up my picture ID and health care card then turns to produce my test sample from inside somewhere. The whole thing took no longer than 10 minutes. I drove away after opening my mouth and saying 'AHH.' Within 5 days I'll be contacted by phone with the results.

Since leaving the house for my COVID-19 testing our groceries were delivered by PC Express.
Our Alberta Craft Beer was also dropped off by the lovely team at Wise Guys Liquor. I tried the neMeSIS IPA from Zero Issue Brewing and the intensity of citrus notes is literally like the perfect, alcoholic milkshake.

And so I leave you with the lovely Kelis and the original 'Milkshake'

Thank you for the opportunity to protect and scribe.
Until tomorrow.

Self-Isolation: Day 4

Today is Monday, April 20th 2020

We started the day with the worst type of breaking news.
A dentist in The Maritimes went on a shooting spree, stealing more than 18 Canadian lives. This event now being called the deadliest mass shooting in Canada. A police officer says they expect to find more victims still. This fucking lunatic had rigged his vehicle to look like an RCMP car!
I wish I could send a letter to each and every family grieving the loss of their loved one today.
Somehow you can't even fathom, 'Rest in Peace' for this kind of thing.

Today is also 4/20.
Did you know you have to smoke weed today?
Following a quick bite of blueberry pancakes, I rolled a joint and indulged myself in some Damn Sour from Delta-9. According to Lift&co - Damn Sour is a slightly sativa-dominant hybrid. THC 23% and CBD 10%. The effect should begin heady then taper into a strong but mellow body effect. If you don't think I'm happy to work-from-home then you're clearly not high enough.

During my high I noticed we have only eight working days remaining in April. My machines sales have been stuck at 1 for the month and I am dying to close a deal with a client I drove to Edmonton to meet with 2 years ago! Since then he has purchased consumables from me approximately two times, and I shit you not it's just tape he buys. Yup, rolls of tape. You can imagine how determined I have been to provide him with an equipment solution like a digital high-speed label printer and finisher.
And I've determined I need to sell at least two more machines in order to get my back my mojo.

Ending the day on a High Note I finished the first of 4 Thomas Kinkade puzzles I bought for self-isolating. On Day 2 of self-isolation in Calgary I told you I'd post a photo once complete.

Thank you for the opportunity to protect and scribe.

Until tomorrow.

Thomas Kinkade Disney's Beauty and the Beast Puzzle

Self-Isolation: Day 3

Today is Sunday, April 19th 2020

One of the games I've been playing on my Android to waste time is Hidden City.
If you were the type of kid who loved the 'I Spy' series books I think you'd enjoy it too.
Think: 'Where's Waldo?'

This morning in Calgary is absolutely phenomenal. According to theweathernetwork.ca we are sitting at 10° so far. It's almost noon, so it seems we'll be getting warmer too. Thanks Mister Sun!

For brunch I made one of my favourite Mediterranean dishes: Shakshuka

Spicy Shakshuka; poached eggs in a spicy tomato sauce

If you'd like to give this a try I'll leave the directions below

First chop a small onion 

And three or more cloves of garlic, depending on how much you can handle

Using a deep pan, saute together in a couple tablespoons of olive oil 

After five or ten minutes season with 1 teaspoon of paprika, 1/2 teaspoon of cumin and a bunch of red chili flakes (add lots if you want this to be more spicy) Combine everything well

Pour 1 can of whole tomatoes into the pan

Season with salt and pepper

Carefully break up the tomatoes

Simmer for approximately 25 minutes, I usually wait until the tomatoes have become very tender

Crack 5 or 6 eggs and cook for about 8 more minutes

You might want to cover the pan with a lid for the last couple minutes to cook the top of the eggs

Remove from heat and garnish with feta, fresh basil or more chili flakes

You can also season with cayenne pepper and nutmeg but I opted not for this morning's brunch

My husband has been watching, "Snow White and the Huntsman".

Since I've seen this movie already I get to work on my isolation diary.
I can hardly believe tomorrow is 4/20.
During March we were both at the office full-time and he knew he would have to take 20 days off starting near the end of April. Yeah, here's an interesting one for you... his employer has forced both him and his business partner to take their vacation days (20 of them) during the pandemic. This - he's told, is to avoid having to lay one or the other off! With the government paying 75% of a company's wages right now this seems like a major fucking joke. But you know what they say about the owners of car dealerships...

They

Don't 

Give

A

Fuck.

Can you imagine how far ahead of the curve we'd have been, had we mentioned to Canadians before Christmas when we heard about the coronavirus affecting Asia? If only we started planning for a pandemic four months ago. Meanwhile our country is still "working on" how to assist the hundreds of thousands of frontline workers, Indigenous Peoples, and others more at-risk than ever before. You brag on live television about wanting to get money into the bank accounts of the majority; the Canadians who lost their jobs, but SURPRISE, there was already a plan in place for people who get laid off - it's called EI. Instead you decide to offer them a fancy, new pay cheque to #StayHome and self-isolate. This only makes you look good for the moment. If you asked me, Mr. Trudeau, I say you could have been spending your time more wisely. WAKE UP DUDE. Things are only going to get much worse, before they get any better. End rant.

Later we'll go for a short walk around the neighbourhood to take advantage of that Vitamin D.

Thank you for the opportunity to protect and scribe.

Until tomorrow.

Self-Isolation: Day 2

Today is Saturday, April 18th 2020

Our eyes opened up to the weekend, a little after 07:00. Rolling over, I snuggling further into the bed sheets I didn't want to climb out of yet. The weekends probably don't mean as much if you've been laid of or in self-isolation but it's only day 2 for us. Hello.

I closed my eyes and fell back asleep for another 45 minutes or so.
The phone ringing woke me up.
'Home' it said on my screen and I knew my Mom would phone again in the next 10 minutes if I didn't pick up. Good Morning.

She's asking how we are feeling. Do we have symptoms developing?
If anyone asks I've been saying "I'm OK." But I'm only saying this to help myself believe it. It's what we do to protect ourselves maybe. She tells me to have a coffee and we'll talk later. Click.
I am feeling well enough to cook meals, think straight, smoke a joint, write here, and work on a Thomas Kinkade designed Beauty and the Beast puzzle. I only started the 500-piece distraction yesterday but I think I'll have it completed by Sunday evening. If I do I'll share a picture in tomorrow's update.

After coffee we agreed it was a day to have French Toast for breakfast.
Crack 3 eggs
Add a teaspoon of vanilla extract
A sprinkle of brown sugar
Can I have some milk?
Nope! Smells weird.
Whisk it up
Turn on the stove
Add butter to the pan
Soak 4 slices of whole wheat toast
Fry them until they're golden brown
Add 'Milk' to the grocery list on the fridge

I have a meeting in a little over an hour. It's because I'm on the condominium board for my townhouse. Our Annual General Meeting (AGM) should take place next month and my guess is we'll have to send a link to owners for a Zoom meeting, or something similar.

Yesterday I realized I have an opportunity to work smarter now while I work-from-home.
People (meaning clients) have more time on their hands. Especially on the weekends; which were normally reserved for going out and plans. If their business is non-essential they'll be stressing out about how they will pay their rent or other bills. If they already work-from-home, as in their business is a home-business, maybe they have to rework the business strategy. Some of them might be wondering how they will come out of this still a business-owner. It's not about if, it's about WHEN - when we come out of this, we will be battered and blue but not broken.

We must continue practicing social-distancing in public. And paying attention to the world, our health, and the well-being of our families.

Thank you for the opportunity to protect and scribe.
Until tomorrow.

Self-Isolation: Day 1

Today is Friday, April 17th 2020

I woke up around 05:45 and tossed in bed for approximately 20 minutes to wake myself up fully. It's my day to head into the office. For the last month we've been rotating our small team of five to minimize staff at work, keeping three of us to work-from-home.

I washed my face, brushed my teeth and for some reason decided to check my work phone. Maybe I had a feeling something was off, because it was.
My colleague; whom I was at the office with Wednesday, sent a WhatsApp message to our group stating he woke up around 02:00 "with shortness of breath, nausea, cough and chest pain suddenly".

Immediately I'm thinking about the coronavirus, the one they call COVID-19.

He's in his mid-twenties, living at home with his father. Thankfully it was just him and I working together, so we can rule out our sixty-seven-year-old Manager having had close contact. The two of them hadn't worked together in a couple weeks. Our two additional co-workers who were in the office the day before did not have a problem covering for us today. This is what we do - protect each other.

What I didn't realize at the time of the original WhatsApp message: he has asthma.
Any person with underlying health conditions has to be extra careful when they are in public today. We simply cannot know who may be carrying the coronavirus and this should be enough. Shouldn't it? Or do we need to continually watch a rise in confirmed cases in the Calgary zone for our people to take this seriously?

After performing the self-assessment online through MyHealth.ab.ca he will be referred for testing and must self-isolate for 10 days or until symptoms are completely gone (whichever is longer). Now my house is doing the same. This is what we do - protect each other.

My husband was also on duty to work-from-home yesterday so his office was not potentially exposed either; thankfully. He notified his boss as soon as I had the heart to let him know about the situation, and immediately contacted the rest of the management team. I, too decided to perform the self-assessment and the recommendation was to isolate for 10 days as well, based on the one symptom I had experienced over the last week. This is how we will effectively reduce the spread of the deadly COVID-19 in Calgary. We must protect each other.

For most of the day we sat across the kitchen table in work-mode.
Answering and making phone calls
Sending e-mails
Taking deep breaths from time to time
Just doing our best

We are both in sales of essential goods and services so it's important our clients know we are here to help. More so during these super scary days, when the President of America is tweeting about reopening the US economy. Meanwhile daily deaths in major US cities continues to surpass the 500's.

Our economy here in Alberta was in a rough patch BEFORE the pandemic started. But here we are sitting in our home offices trying to weather this storm. And it's only going to get worse if we don't keep our distance. I think if I do end up selling any equipment I'll burst into tears.

Thank you for the opportunity to protect and scribe.
Until tomorrow.

04-04-2020

Usually I have a lot to say but lately it's harder to have an opinion.
I guess it's because we're only really looking for the facts these days. Facts about COVID-19, obviously.

Yesterday the President of the United States ordered 3M (Yup, THE One & Only) to cease exports of respirators to Canada. What is n95? N95 is a respiratory protective device designed to achieve a very close facial fit and efficient filtration of airborne particles (95%, hence the designation).
What a total fucking asshole!
President Trump is possibly the single most self-serving person on this planet right now. Damn, I guess giving my opinion can still be pretty easy :)

All opinions aside, since the World Health Organization (WHO) declared COVID-19 a pandemic on March 11th, I have seen a lot of news. And I'm sure you have too - legitimate news, semi-legit news, fake news, SUPER-fake news, the unbelievable, and all the TikTok videos in between.
Over the last three weeks I've learned to count myself luckier than many Canadians who have had the loss of major contracts, or to face layoffs, and in the worst case, bankruptcy. This is only the beginning and I am proud to hear the daily updates from Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau which have left me with my hand on my heart. We can get through this by listening and having compassion.
Now there's a word Donald Trump has never heard of!

Like many people, I'm frightened about the pandemic and what the coronavirus can achieve if we let our foot off the brake, or gas, or whatever it is that we are doing to slow this fucker down.
I'm pretty sure it's called, "being aware of why we do certain things."
Today more than ever before we must, must, must, must, must think about how we dress, where we go to buy the things we need, and where we put our hands. I'm scared and I'm not afraid to say that either. Maybe it's because Canada has nearly 13,000 confirmed cases of COVID-19.
Or maybe it's because I found Johns Hopkins University map tracking global coronavirus infections and deaths; receiving billions of hits each day.

Are you paying attention yet?

It's the fourth day of the fourth month of the 20th year of the 21st century. In the Chinese zodiac it's the Year of the Rat - the first of all zodiac animals.
In Chinese culture rats were identified as a sign of wealth and surplus due to the fact they multiply rapidly. The rat also represents the beginning of a new day; yet here we are living each day like it's our last....

When I looked up Donald Trump's zodiac sign I realized how much of a bitch he really is. Yup, that's right he was born in 1946 - the Year of the Dog. Now a dog's most defining character is of course his loyalty. Honest and popular in social circles, I have to agree the senile, old brute cannot learn to keep his mouth shut. He might care about his looks but when it comes to sounding intelligent, ha, forget it... he just barks and barks, and he'll keep barking until he blows your fucking house down.
The best thing I learned about Dogs is despite how they act, deep down inside they are worried and anxious. They even pee a little on the floor when they get too excited about something, and I'm convinced people in The White House are probably sick of cleaning up piss these last few years. The man is as volatile as a 12 week old puppy.

Dogs of 1946 are particularly known for being dream chasers, extremely opinionated and quick to defend their stance. Hmm. Now that's pretty interesting stuff right there.
If you don't believe me, name one good thing Trump has done for the good of all Americans.
I'm not saying Donald Trump should resign for the good of the American people, but, the facts are the facts - and you sir, are killing your country one tweet at a time.
Don't @ me.

Happiness is a Project -Music Edition

If I Die Young I'd like to be remembered as the girl who kept that weird blog titled, all I know is that I know nothing. 

I love the song by Benny Blanco, I Found You, with Calvin Harris. It came out in November 2018, about a year after one of my good friends from college and I ended our friendship. The problem with college friendships is you're either high or drunk the entire time.

It can be hard to not feel threatened by friendships in college - especially if you take a specialized program where the room for error is much smaller.

Am I Wrong?
Yes, also a pretty great song by Norwegian duo, Nico & Vinz.

Becoming happier with yourself as you navigate the latter half of your twenties is a project. When you're twenty it feels like you can blow the roof off any building. Suddenly, you're 22 and feeling your best because everyone thinks you're hot, because, well, you're hot. And when you're 25 you think, wow, only five more years till I'm 30 - better keep up appearances. So you go harder than you did when you were 18. You're hitting every happy hour there is. Then something switches when you turn twenty-seven. I can't even explain what happens, really, but it seems like there was a box in your body all your life and you used to put things into it and take them out all the time. No problems. Life is good, you and your box and your life and then one day you go check out your box and it's closed. Taped shut, no notice, not a pictogram, nothing. You can't play with the shit in your box anymore.

I haven't really figured out the details.
One thing I know for sure is I want that Old Thing Back.

The music edition of my happiness project sort of came to be accidentally, after getting home from work the other day. Earlier that day an e-mail circulated to all branches of the company I work for, stating due to the COVID-19/coronavirus we would be implementing 25% staff reduction and rotation schedule. My 5-person team, already down to 4 because our manager recently returned from vacation and is in self-isolation for 14 days, would be rotating three in the office and one person working from home. Each day we receive corporate updates on the growing concern by e-mail. Yesterday, one of my coworkers came to work saying his daughter is experiencing symptoms of the dreaded COVID-19. We are now down to 3 staff members in "good and able" health. This morning we've been advised through e-mail that teams will further be reduced to minimum staff required on-site. This means each work day, 2/3 will be at work. I understand I'm not in the worst position (by far) considering companies are having to lay off staff or close entirely - but being at work in a state of emergency is really weird.

That's Life.

What do we do when we're being told by the government to stay inside?

We turn up the fucking music, and start dancing.

Since learning about the first death in our province I've had this tight feeling in my chest. It's almost as if I want to monitor myself breathing now, or like I'm more aware of my own breathing today than ever before. The line up outside of Costco this afternoon was down the side of the building, while they explained they were doing their best to limit the amount of customers in at once in order to protect the public, as well as their staff. This was amazing. And if you didn't understand before how serious this is, just turn on the radio for five minutes and have a listen. You'll hear that the death toll in Italy has now surpassed China. You'll hear about the state of utter disbelief and emergency in Spain. You'll hear about a bonspiel that took place with Alberta doctors present, and someone traveling from Las Vegas to Saskatchewan was involved with transmitting the virus at the event. Three students belonging to the Calgary Catholic school board have confirmed cases of COVID-19.

This is More Than Words, people.

And I cannot help but think of our first responders, grocery store and pharmacy employees who also have to wake up each morning and face their work during this most unsettling time for all of us. While many of us are at home taking in breaking news from behind our computers or TV screens, wondering when retail shops will close, others are not in the same position. While we might Wanna Be Startin' Something, we just have to try and maintain a positive mind. Even though it feels like this big, Black Tar Cloud is hovering over our planet right now.

While we wait for the darkest part of the storm to pass, let's do our part to support local businesses as and when we can. Let's limit our gatherings to six people as much as possible, and practice 6-feet social distancing from people when we are together. It's not possible to protect each other without each and every one of us working hard, and working together. Come on people - "wash your hands"?and "cover your mouth when you cough"? These things are as Easy (Like Sunday Morning).

Deep down I believe we're all going to be just fine. It won't be a straight journey, or a very nice road. But we have to let others know, I've Been Thinking About You, and we also must protect ourselves in the process. Now is not the time for an attitude of, "You Need Me, I Don't Need You". It's more about staying confident and Strawberry Fields Forever. 

I keep wondering what I need to do to convince myself that if we work together we can accomplish whatever we put our minds to. Is this something you've been struggling with too? Ain't No Rest for the Wicked, I suppose...

Comment how you're doing, what you're up to, and some of your favourite songs that I missed.

#PumpUpTheJam #ShutUpAndDance #MyPlanetIsDead #OnlyTheGoodDieYoung #LifeOnEarth?

Love and Matrimony. Are they related?

When I think of love I think of the hardest things I've ever been through.

For me, Love is tough, like leather and hot tears.

How do you know when you're ready to spend the rest of your life with one person?

Can you love someone without meeting them?

Is love enough?

And maybe I don't have the best perspective on love and matrimony. I always considered love to be something you had to work hard for. My Dad would give me shit for saying, "love you too" - instead of, "I love you" because they have different meanings.

I never thought much about marriage because of my parent's divorce if I'm honest. Marriage seemed like a big dream. I was delusional. Marriage is a fucking honour.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about love and matrimony - I guess it's hard not to when you've been asked by someone, "Will You Marry Me?"


In an arranged family situation you don't really have to ask questions. You know each other well and your families know each other well. Maybe you grew up together; your sibling was their best friend.
If your parents are bringing you over to your future in-laws' house to talk about your wedding, chances are you already know what this person looks like. You know they have the same family values, traditions and mindset. You don't ask the regular questions : do you have a middle name? what kind of music do you like? are you a sibling? did you grow up around here? how many times have you been skating?


A common way to meet someone is through a dating site. These days they're all apps and if you're not sure how they work it's simple: create a profile, post your hottest pics, scroll and wait.

You might have noticed I said, "meet" someone, instead of find someone to spend your life with. And I guess it's because building emotional connections is nearly impossible when you choose to upload the most provocative or filtered photos to represent your "true self".

I shouldn't totally knock the online dating systems because allegedly 1 in 3 relationships in the US begins on Match.com. lol

I don't believe any of them can actually consider themselves "dating" apps.

There are the apps you go on to look for sex, and the apps you go on after you've tried everything.

So let's play a dating game, shall we? Consider removing the ability to swipe right or left all together. Imagine a dating app where you can view just 3 profiles per day, according to your proximity and basic interests. None of the profiles have photographs. Depending on whose bio you find most interesting, you can select and zoom in on that one individual. On the zoom, you can see a photo of them in a group setting. The other two profiles disappear. Now you decide based on the group photo, whether or not you want to meet this person, and go on a date. Even though you'll be going on a date with one of the people in the photo it's not entirely motivated by their physical appearance. If you choose not to date your account will be paused for 8 hours. Now this is what I call a "dating" app!

Meeting someone new of the gender you're interested in romantically can be a lot of different things for humans: hopeful, exciting, apprehensive, confusing, annoying, fascinating, even horrifying!

And for the average couple seeing each other, the step of meeting family members would be a milestone for the relationship. A couple whose parents have known each other since before they were born doesn't experience the milestone of their son or daughter finding this person to spend the rest of their life with. If you're on a blind date you probably do not have expectations, which is a most excellent thing. To consider an arranged marriage there is the anticipation of a "perfect match" which immediately generates particular expectations - a not so excellent thing for a brand new relationship. And maybe that's why I compared going on a blind date to letting your parents choose your life partner. They are both really great ideas as long as you don't think too much at the start.

Every day, relationships are planned for young people; some of whose parents had meetings long before puberty came into the picture.
Negotiation is maybe not the best word to use when referring to an arranged marriage, but I can't help to consider the fact that a parent who favors arranged marriages automatically believes s/he is more objective and less impulsive than their son or daughter who they are negotiating a life partner for. I can agree parents have more "experience" - but your parents don't know what makes you horny. Come on. *wink

I want to start off by telling you a story about my former accountant. Let's call him Luta.

Luta was kind. You could tell by the way his eyes listened when you spoke to him. After a year of knowing each other we came to the topic of marriage during lunchroom chit chat one afternoon. Luta shared he had an arranged marriage with his wife of 32 years.

Historically the arranged marriage was prominent worldwide until the 18th century. And in 2020, the majority of arranged marriages take place in South Asia, where Luta and his family are from. In his culture the bride and groom are selected by individuals other than the couple themselves; their parents decided the families would be joined in marital union, and then they told the kids.

If arranged marriage is not prominent in your culture, it's not going to be something you consider. Whether it's on Facebook, Bumble or Tinder, when you begin a relationship based on physical appearance; features that please or displease you, you've immediately prepared yourself to feel a certain way: in or out. There's very little time spent wondering about real compatibility while you're scrolling or swiping. This is why going on a blind date increases the likelihood of asking meaningful questions. You can't scroll back five years to creep on photos. Even speed-dating makes more sense than Match.com, considering people only post photos in order to control the way others think. When you don't have a clue, you need to get creative, right?

Going back to Luta's story about his own arranged marriage... I didn't think much about it then, but his family had decided so long ago about his marriage that they didn't even talk about it.

He told us he dressed up really nice and his parents brought him to meet his soon-to-be-in-laws. They invited him into their living room for some light conversation including what his thoughts were about their daughter (he is shown a photograph of her). The marriage was probably, more than likely going to happen anyway- but what do you think of her picture? I guess maybe it is always about image somehow. That first encounter was the start of his commitment to their daughter. Luta was 14.


I have a friend from Syria. Her best friend still lives there, is in her thirties, works for the government, and has what anyone would consider a great job. She owns her apartment, knows how to cook, take care of herself and live comfortably. She's single though she has dated in the past. Most days when she talks on the phone with her mom in the village, her mom tells her how worried she is. She says she wishes her daughter would get married. It's another story to run into a Syrian lady on the street who asks if she's married. When she tells them no they say, "I'm sorry," as if she's been in a bad accident. Anyone would look at her as successful, independent and mature enough to know what she wants instead of settling - except for her own culture. And that's one of the fundamental problems with dating in a closed-minded culture. It's here where love does not play into marriage.


Then Luta told us his future bride wasn't even part of that first meeting.

There comes a point in a monogamous relationship where it's time to meet the family. This can be at your cousin Sally's wedding, Thanksgiving dinner, or whatever. And maybe it's at this point when you'd typically identify if the relationship can lead to something deeper. Even if you come from completely different cultures it's still highly likely you'll value your family's approval of the relationship. Remember, when it comes down to it you are the only person who can determine what is best for you. This was not the case for Luta and his bride-to-be. Both their parents knew without a doubt the relationship would develop into marriage. And during that first meeting, Luta did something so wild his parents never even saw it coming: he asked to speak with her privately. In his mature, 14-year-old mind he was completely aware that this meeting meant determining his partner for life. They spoke one-on-one in a separate room, and being the gentleman he is, he straight up asked her, "are you cool with becoming my wife?" (2 thumbs up for consent, hell yeah!) SHE SAID YES. And that's all it took. It was then I realized a common - if not the most common, misconception about an arranged marriage is that the woman is forced.

Luta and his wife-to-be began speaking to each other regularly, (through the help of their dear parents) and the families eventually planned the wedding and they were married. Just like that.

Six years after hearing Luta's story, I can't help but think of a friend of mine who married not 19 months ago and is waiting to finalize her divorce now. They were together for six years, and a year after they married, poof! Just like that. Over. They didn't meet on a dating app but they had the opportunity to learn about one another before willingly committing. One might even say the chances of marital success would be higher, had she written, "looking for immediate marriage" in her online dating bio.

And so in some ways an arranged marriage is more practical. Your need to impress someone's parents is lessened because, well, your own parents have already pumped your tires quite a bit. Sure, you should still be courteous, and being yourself is always the best policy, but the truth is your first ever meeting is not a normal meeting of a potential boyfriend or girlfriend. You are literally on the first date with your almost-definitely future wife or husband. Both sides in an arranged marriage are on the same page, which means the worry that new couples have to not show how they feel too soon in a new relationship does not exist. And in a big way, you're skipping that surface-level, "getting-to-know-each-other" stage all together. You can cut straight to discussing openly about issues in a relationship that really matter: values, objectives, and affinity.

You may be the one getting married but it's really about your families merging. Arranged marriages are also excellent at keeping traditions and the family's culture alive and well. Getting married just because you love someone has little history in comparison. And so it was at this point I had to stop myself from asking Luta, at what point did you know you were IN love with your wife?

Weddings a.k.a. Matrimony - being the ceremony of a contractual union between two persons, stems from the Latin word mater, which actually means mother, although very informal and dated.

I'm only guessing... but could it have something to do with the idea of saving yourself for marriage? Maybe. Maybe no. Traditionally, matrimony is step 1 to becoming a mother. Once you're married, people will ask how soon after the wedding will the "little ones" come?


So marriage never was about love.


Going waay back, the first recorded evidence of a marriage ceremony was back in Mesopotamia in 2350 B.C. For those of you curious enough, Mesopotamia is roughly corresponding to most of Iraq, Kuwait, the eastern parts of Syria, southeastern Turkey, and regions along the Turkish-Syrian and Iran-Iraq borders. And then later on, and I mean over the next several hundred years, marriage evolved into a ceremony embraced by Hebrews, Greeks and Romans. And in biblical times, people were married in YOUTH. And a lot of those people stayed together in marriage until death did they part. Which to me is truly insane to think about because for the many child brides, that's a long time!

Yet totally normal.

Early marriage is so ancient it probably seems foreign to a lot of us North Americans, but, if your brother died in the old days, and you were unmarried you'd be expected to marry his wife!

That is ancient Hebrew law. And though the laws of marriage differ greatly from culture to culture, at the root of it marriage was about social and economic stability. Back then marriage had little to do with love, or religion. The joining of man and woman was more or less to guarantee he'd have biological heirs.

Somewhere along the way, Christians became interested in the concept of marriage after Augustine, a theologian wrote about it. In the 1500's there appeared to be many marriages taking place without witness or ceremony. They began having marriage ceremonies conducted by ministers then, and later in the 12th Century, the Roman Catholic Church formally declares marriage as a sacrament sanctioned by God. Leave it to the Catholics to make things weird. In European nations, marriage was traditionally considered a civil union. As the Roman Catholic Church grew to be a powerful institution in Europe, you could say the concept of marriage shifted a bit. Divorce became widely frowned upon, where before if wives failed to produce offspring, their husbands could trade them for someone else. No biggie. Pope Nicholas I declared in 866 that, "if the consent be lacking in a marriage, all other celebrations, even should the union be consummated, are rendered void." Needless to say church blessings improved the lives of husbands and wives when consent became an important part of marriage laws.

But even then, love was not yet in the picture.

When did love join matrimony?

Apparently the idea of romantic love as a motive for marriage only goes back as far as the Middle Ages. Still, if you research marriage in the Middle Ages you'll notice they were still based around the idea of monetary worth. The family of the bride would prepare a dowry to give the groom's family. Comparatively a bride price is the amount given to a bride's family by the groom's. Once colonists came to America, the coverture came into effect. Regulations were strict and even American women who married foreigners immediately had their citizenship revoked.

Fast-forward: today there are many forms of marriage that exist, including:
-Same sex (finally legal in all 50 US states as of 2016)
-Polygyny
-Polyandry
-Polygamy
-Monogamy
-Exogamy
-Endogamy
-Cousin marriage (still legal in nearly half of US states)
-Common law (commonly confusing)
-Arranged

And while arranged marriages are far from a new concept, there isn't much research on the success rate of these couples. This study from 2012 shows the divorce rate of arranged marriages at less than 4 percent. Meanwhile in Canada, the divorce rate of couples who choose to marry of their own free will is over half.

When you love somebody so much you're willing to enter into a legal contract, think again. While the majority of us won't end up at the "altar" standing next to someone we feel we do not know well enough, there's something to be said about the successes of arranged marriages. Or, do I think we can all learn something from our parents' parents' parents?