and i cannot tell you why.
right now i'm sitting in the living room with the television on in front of me.
Rookie Blue. I started watching it from season one last week and it's amazing how characters in television series' grow, and change their appearance over the show's course. when you look at photos of yourself from a different time you recognize instantly the smile or lack thereof. you almost always say you haven't changed - though some people look absolutely nothing like their former selves. I like thinking about being fourteen again. I was nearing the end of Junior High and coming to terms with having to meet a bunch of strangers the following September - High School.
and was I ever.
i don't even know how to write anymore. OK, that was stupid. of course i know how to write (or type) but that doesn't mean I'm not flailing; grasping for words. it's like trying to pick best colour for your bedroom or guest bath; if you are lucky enough to even have a guest bedroom.
i am, i do.
the hardest part about writing is having to write. I've always wanted the words to just fly from my fingers as if i were Matilda herself, magical Mara Wilson. she is stunning, and brilliant by the way. and she writes.
when you get down to it the only way you'll truly remember what you've done or said or what someone else has done or said for that matter, is if we write it down. so here i am.
I'd like to take this moment for my grandparents, who without i would not exist.
for the first time in a long time - maybe ever - i feel entirely open.
almost one month ago a huge chapter of my life ended and it made me feel thankful for having had the opportunity but at the same time made me realize that energy given is meant to be invested and if i can't feel 100% comfortable with where i am putting my energy then i need to find a different place to put it.
more recently i changed the theme and colours of my blog, this blog. what do you think?
