and when sleep finally came to me last night,

...i was back at school; well, not entirely
we had taken a trip to edmonton for something or other
joe was playing the guitar
we were all designated a group to drive with
and i was a driver
we kept needing to go back and forth between the hotel and some kind of hall
i don't know why my clothes were everywhere
i decided to lay on the floor and pretend that i wasn't listening
it was dark when we had to drive back to the hotel
everybody started getting up and heading out to the parking lot
but my clothes were everywhere
and it wasn't me that brought them there
i just couldnt understand it
and everybody left me
i was trying to put everything in bags and my backpack
but everybody just left
and when i tried to call somebody, i would push 4 on my cellphone
and it would come up as 7
i just wish i could remember more

descending

four, seven, three, three
it would be easy to just turn on the light
but i never do
i count in the dark until i've reached safety

i wanna party with you, neil diamond

a party screams disaster
a party is slipping on spilt vodka
and walking around with a roll of paper towel all night
a party halts when there's coke on the white carpet
and holes in the white walls
parties get out of hand
they take all of the energy that you have
and condense it into a few hours
hours of talking about nothing
and laughing at everything
hours of fighting because it's fun
hours of pour, mix, drink
or pour, shoot, chase
haha
yeah, welcome to hell

what's the j stand for?

i love you to the moon and back

growing up the fast way

all i ever wanted to do was grow up
grow up and become a lawyer
or maybe that was just what i thought i wanted
maybe it's because that's what my mom wanted
nevertheless, i wanted to grow up
i wanted to be smart and beautiful
i wanted to be happy and talented

i love that quote about getting high from swinging at the playground
and the only things smoked were the tires on your bike
...the worst thing you could get from boys were cooties
yeah, that one

how about we get silly
silly as in staying up past curfew
silly as playing games with your heart
silly as in pro-circumcision? or no-circumcision?
silly as in sweating bullets on the dance floor on new years eve
silly as in the day that it hailed at the stampede
silly as convincing you that you're flirting with me
silly as writing stories
silly as singing colt 45 at the top of your lungs

wearing skirts does not mean that you're a slut
war is not only a card game
your heart can get broken just like your toys did
and when you're wasted, you're not talking about time anymore

i grew up the fast way
but i guess i didn't really have a choice
let me get silly
and i'll show the world how fantastic i am -
when i grow up

golf tee, wedding bell, bumble bee, huge mess, f u

i'm in love with you.
always have been.
always will be.

365 + 365/2

how do you cut three hundred and sixty-five in half?
182.5 means nothing to me
so does 547.5
but i know that today means something to me

you taught me to chew my food 20 times before i swallowed it
you taught me to follow the brightest star (north star) if i got lost in the ocean
you taught me how to play a vinyl record
you taught me how to despise somebody
you taught me how to forget that i needed somebody
you taught me how to forgive
you taught me how to start over
and you taught me how to remember what really matters most
you gave yourself ten years' time to teach me things
and i'm seventeen now
you taught me how to miss someone
and i kind of wish i never learned that one.

the beer in my glove compartment

red light
stop
left turn signal
wait your turn
green means go
flashing lights
tila oh my god!
license and registration please
baby don't take it personal
did you have your seatbelt on?
yes
i'm going to ask you again,
did you have your seatbelt on?
what's your name?
spell it out
where are you headed tonite?
i wonder if they have a list of questions to ask
baby it's just cuz i like to fuck
i'm generally a decent person
but when someone lies to me, i throw the book at them
so let this be a lesson to you
i'm not going to give you a ticket for not having your seatbelt on
but that beer in your glove compartment on the other hand...
raise your glasses for a toast

profit

today i rolled $12.50 in pennies, $6.00 in nickels, and $5.00 in dimes

my notebook

revoke my mind of these questions
they never seem to end
how do i tell him that he doesnt really want what he says he wants?
how do i tell him that i miss being around him?
how do i let him know that i think about him every day?
how do i explain that we have been lying to ourselves all this time?
how do i show him that i want him?
how do i pretend that i'm happy with what we are?

leaving him empty, just because he's a man

i am selfish beyond comprehension
i want so many people to love me

hey mr. tambourine man, play a song for me

i want to see pies on windowsills
i want to remember all of my dreams
i want to fall asleep in a flower garden
i want rainbows that don't have to come from rain
i want well over twenty-four hours in a day
i want a smile to fix a broken heart
i want music from every street corner
i want no one to wear socks and sandals
i want fire from my fingertips
i want to defy gravity
i want a mailbox attached to my house
i want to make friends with sun
i want to be a kite for a day
i want to fight a dragon
i want to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders
i want so much but i'll never ask for it

today was my birthday

we all woke up and went down for breakfast

continental

those damn waffle makers

beep. beep. beep.

you have to flip it over so that the timer can start

"happy birthday!"

"yeah! happy birthday!"

short stop walked up to me

arms open

"happy birthday, addie"

little leaguers have big ears

thanks zach

practise at 10:00 am

it was already 30 degrees outside

american shale isn't like ours

it's not even red

i think it might be gravel actually

owch

our game was at 2:00 and we won

11-1

it's my fucking birthday

we had a bbq

then there was the cake(s)

everybody knows that outfielders are the best looking

hey centre field, what's your name?

do you want a birthday hug?

yeah. yeah she does.

with a face like that, of course i do

it's exciting to get sung happy birthday

by a california high school baseball team

did i mention we were all around the hot tub?

firecrackers

fireworks

running through the sprinklers

before curfew

after curfew

what's a curfew?

it was my fucking birthday.

much needed company

where did you -

where did you go -

my lovely?

i wanna know

you're absolutely right

tonite was everything that needed to happen

seeing each other in one room for the first time in a long time brings back so much

even though it wasn't everyone

it will be some day

i'll promise to try

take all your gold and you go

i meant to write about you on your birthday
but if you're out partying right now, then you probably think that it still is your birthday
or maybe i just came to that conclusion as an excuse for myself
because i never sleep; therefore, it is still your birthday to me

i've never known what to say
tonite's the night
happy 17th birthday

those twelve words stood for the everything that i never said
it's been well over 300 days and i still don't know what to say
you told me that you're still playing the impossible game
fuck that
you're 17 years old
when are you going to grow up and put on your own pair of shoes?
your dad's shoes may fit but they're really not your style
here i go again
thinking that you're the same best friend i had over a year ago

"how are you old friend?"

i guess you always knew just what to say
and to think that i still fucking miss you