haiku (xxxiii)

it's Christmas morning

and FUCK I LOVE YOU so much

Happy Holidays.

haiku (xxxii)

i wonder if you

dream of me when you close your

eyes and lay quiet.

13,000

I'm so excited to be sharing this with you. This is life and it's totally fucked up.
What are we really supposed to do before and after we eat breakfast? Would you follow the new protocol that had you going to sleep 30 minutes after dinner time? Hell no.
I do what I want and maybe that's my problem but for a couple decades it seems to be working. But this isn't about me. This is about you and your problem. Wouldn't you know about 50% of people sleep with the lights open? Ha! I'm just kidding. You have no idea what your facial expression just looked like when you were trying to figure that one out. OK, neither do I.

When was the last time you lost yourself? 

I think it was just this morning.

You grow every minute, did you know that? Every second of every day is made up of something called, growing time - and it's especially confusing when you're under the age of 40. But at the same time that it's confusing, damn this growing shit is fun.

On the first and last Sundays of every month, try to remember to write a letter to somebody that you love.

When you want to, take yourself out for dinner. Alone.

If you're up for it, try a restaurant that you've never even been to.

If you're really up for it, mark it in your daytimer, slap a sticker on your calendar, make a Post-It.

Did you know that Romi and Michelle invented those things?

Wrong again. That was just a movie about a high school reunion.

Pretty soon your life is going to be a reunion. I'm talking about tomorrow. Live today.

Don't stop. Keep reading. Keep laughing and talking and giving the 'thumbs up' - in person.

Strangers are only called strangers because you haven't asked their name.

jonathon reed

i am part of a lost generation

and i refuse to believe that

i can change the world

i realize that this may be a shock but,

"happiness comes from within."

is a lie, and

"money will make me happy."

so in 30 years i will tell my children

they are not the most important thing in my life

my employer will know that

i have my priorities straight because

work

is more important than

family

i tell you this

once upon a time

families stayed together

but this will not be true in my era

this is a quick fix society

experts tell me

30 years from now, i will be celebrating the 10th anniversary of my divorce

i do not concede that

i will live in a country of my own making

in the future

environmental destruction will be the norm

no longer can it be said that

my generation is apathetic and lethargic

it is foolish to presume that

there is hope.

and all of this will come true unless we choose to reverse it

now read this again

start here, and work your way up.

hearts and cards.

when you laugh there is a sound like happiness and magic tricks that cannot be explained. the awe and resulting wonder of a trick completed is the ultimate satisfaction; the smile that can't be wiped away - the endless questioning. the love. magic tricks are simply in disguise. can you imagine living as surprised as ever, all of the time? can you imagine diamonds were not diamonds and clubs were not clubs? would a spade still be a spade?

I did a lot of stupid thing

i knew it from the beginning it was a bad idea and I only knew because it was happening then. the sun sets again and rises the next morning and your mind doesn't play any tricks on you, it just knows. the last time you felt this way was probably in a dream- and if you're lucky enough to remember the dream at all. we live and we grow and we try and we fail and when we've figured it out we've succeeded. to be on top of the world and to be content you have to be vulnerable...or maybe that's. just. me. Who Am I? Yes. Who Are You?
take the last number you ever thought about and divide it by two. to figure out what you need in your life, don't hesitate to ask. fill your ears with music of a different era. smile at the lady taking her kids to the park. wait a little longer, with the door open, for the man coming into the gas station as you leave. these things are all part of the bigger picture- the better idea. who you are doesn't just come from what you think of yourself. who you are is a large combination of the decisions you make and be people who are around to see them.

haiku (xxxi)

since we all grow up,

can i choose to sparkle if

i promise to shine?

haiku (xxx)

you are beautiful.

you, Victoria's Secret-

unlike no other.

slow down.

you know when you get so busy you just need to slow down but you think slowing down might throw you off all together? yeah, that's how i'm feeling. working Monday to Friday and sometimes even Saturday at an average of 10 hours a day is absolutely draining. and the sad part is that i love it. i love it so much that i've let it grow on me. i've let older men into my office. i've been let into their bed. i'm a smart girl but sometimes i'm a complete idiot. what can you do? you just do you. and this is me 100% in the flesh. i may have less flesh than i used to but that's only because i've completely forgotten that lunch exists. "i'm too busy." I say. but never too busy to work; to help others that i work with. where in the world did that girl go? that girl who used to love everything about herself and try to communicate beauty through her words and body and mind.don't get me wrong, i love myself still and i'll be my biggest advocate but i'm finding it harder and harder to breathe.

i've even started to forget about haiku tuesdays...

sunday haiku

tuesday i saw Neil.

sixty-seven years and still
rocking the free world.

haiku (xxix)

nobody fought for

me so far. I don't know why

i thought different now.

haiku (28)

maybe it is wrong

but why does it feel so right?

guess we'll never know.

just one person.

would you believe yourself if you said that you are the only person in the world that matters? i would. let's be serious, nearly anything i tell myself could be a giant lie and for the most part people lie every single day but what it comes down to is honesty. and when you are honest with yourself, it might be a lie but it might also be the truth that you need to hear instead of the bullshit that you wait for people to tell you. besides...it's only one person. people say, 'tell me how you feel.' but are they really going to be OK with an answer like, 'i just don't think we should see each other anymore.'? probably not. when someone wants you to tell him or her how you feel, this person actually wants you to say what they'd like to hear. am i right? so if somebody wants to know how another person is feeling - he or she might want to consider explaining that the only person in the world that matters is them self. would you believe anybody if they said to you you're the only person in the world that matters? i wouldn't. because people lie every day. but would you believe just one person if they told you that you're the only person in the world that matters? yes. i would.

haiku (xxvii)

used to love Tuesdays;

now i just love that it's not

Monday anymore.

haiku (xxvi)

some say life is hard

but what is really hard is

just having feelings.

haiku ( xxv)

he brings you coffee

in the morning and then you

don't see him all day.

haiku (xxiv)

learn one thing in life

pick and choose but you better

learn to live happy.

haiku tuesday. on thursday. (xxiii)

what happens when you

get swept right off your feet by

someone with no broom-?

haiku (xxii)

babe, you bother me.

like, i get hot. and bothered.

by you. only you.

haiku (xxi)

two baby grizzlies

their afternoon ruined by

one human mistake.

Fantasy.

defined as,
'the faculty or activity of imagining things that are impossible or improbable.'
Fantasy can be, and is different for everybody. some see Fantasy as goals they hope to achieve in the future. others might see it connected only to sexuality and desires. maybe Fantasy renders being capitalized when spoken about. or could Fantasy be virtually anything if everything ahead of us is yet unknown?
when asked, I responded by saying, 'maybe my fantasy is having a big, happy, healthy family.'
I'd sure like to hope that this is a possibility for me in the future. but I just don't know.

What is your fantasy?

haiku (xx)

do you remember,

the first video you saw

on the big Youtube?

haiku (xix)

another murder

this city just gets worse and

so do the people.

Q. What kind of Employee are You? A. Anchor

The Anchor

You work very hard and are never appreciated for it. You come in every day when you are supposed to and leave exactly on time. You can't be bothered with the overtime that is offered because this job is so miserable that you would rather let your boss keep the extra cash. You can't understand why your co-workers can't get the job done in the time allotted anyway. there must be something wrong with them. You certainly are not going to be doing extra work because they can't keep up. It's not that you don't want to be a team player, it's just that you are too smart to let others take advantage of you. You like to keep a strong consistent routine and you are not interested in changing it. You do not trust your boss. You are pretty sure your boss is out to get you and watching your every move, just waiting for you to make a mistake, but they can keep watching, because you don't make mistakes. You hear that you are not that popular at work, but you don't care about it. It's not like you want to actually spend time with these people anyway.

haiku (xviii)

cars are great and all

but the better they are, the

more expensive. huh.

haiku (xvii)

that book with a face

is other people's bullshit

you think you care 'bout.

haiku (xvi)

of all expenses,

it seems trust is the least cheap

and hardest come by.

haiku (xv)

i started haikus

'cause i had nothing better

to do on tuesdays.

suddenly, like the wind.

it came as if out of nowhere.
they call it, opportunity  - and it's here.
where to start?
well, at the beginning of course!
you start at the beginning and you find your way
through doors and software and passwords
and people,
don't forget the people.
half of who you know goes a long way.
suddenly, like the wind
there i stood with my own office
in the real world.

boys of the house.

i'm so sick of washing your dishes for you lazy fucks.

haiku (xiv)

i tried to get drunk

thought it would solve my problem

now i have to pee.

haiku (xiii)

they tell us to work

they say work your ass off, till

you get where you want.

this one's called why?

the last time i remember loving someone i was thirteen. really loving someone. not the way you love your mom, not the way you love your dog, not the way you love sleeping naked in the summer. the way i loved was much different than that. someone once told me that someone once told them that we only bother to have fights with the people we love because we care about them so deeply. why bother to fight if you didn't give a shit right? and i know you've heard the saying, 'you don't know what you've got till it's gone,' but do we ever really know what we have? sure, we have the clothes on our back and maybe the tattoos in our skin but other than that there isn't much. how many times have you asked yourself, 'how am i feeling today?' i'm willing to bet the number can fit on one hand.

(assuming you have fingers)

but can you love someone you're not willing to fight over? you can.

we might love the wrong things sometimes but it's harder to find ourselves loving the wrong people. generally, as we grow, we know the kind of people who we would like to be surrounded by; we love them. we love them because they are good to us and they are good for our soul and we think they love us back. we love them because in this world love can be the biggest force against disaster. well, wouldn't you know?

look into my eyes and tell me that you love me and tell me that i'm the best mistake you've ever made.

and if it happens that way we fall for it, just like that, don't we?

why then?

why, when we are loved, do we just give in like that?

i could take a wild guess and say that i think it's because we are afraid we don't love ourselves quite enough but if i were to make an even wilder guess it would be that we are here.

we are here to be loved and when we are we are fulfilled. when we are loved we feel like there is no better feeling in the world; wanted, needed. we are what we need to be, we are what we want to be,

we are loved.

the last time i remember loving someone i was thirteen. i didn't look this person in the eyes and tell him that i loved him but he knew because i told him that i loved his hair and how we had the same Iron Maiden t-shirts and that he would walk me to my house before going home after school. he knew because i was terribly annoyed by the girls from the public school who came down after their school let out (earlier than ours) to see him, to flirt with him. he knew because i let it show and he knew because he flirted back.

we let the people we want to love us, hurt us too.

why then?

why would we allow ourselves to be hurt by the same thing that we want to love us? seems a bit silly doesn't it? seems a bit demented, a bit...

stupid? is love stupid? is wanting and craving love just a silly demented and stupid thing to want and crave?

yes. maybe. maybe not. maybe why we want to be loved and why we allow ourselves to be hurt has the same answer. because. because we hurt ourselves by not loving the ones who love us, just as much as we hurt them. why? because even though we have what we wanted and craved all along we are still not satisfied. what a disaster love is.

haiku (xii)

how sick fuck shit what

while we smoked on the sidewalk

i nearly threw up.

haiku (xi)

my suitcase is full

things we want are not the same

we must unpack now.

haiku (x)

clear your head space now

make sure you're as ripe as the 

bananas up there.

haiku (ix)

i nearly forgot

how beautiful nature is

but then, why would i?

What is a Book?

certain places contain more knowledge and mystery than you can imagine.

these same places have faced an uphill battle against the new and improved, against advancing technology.

used bookstores are these knowledge-infused havens that can take you out of the world with the single turn of a page. but the things most commonly found in used bookstores seem to be losing status in society today.

and so, i'm left to ask...

 what is a book?

Anyone's Best Friend. (a doc. on dogs)

 ha ha..well now, we call this a mini-documentary.

but there are several very important things between a human and animal relationship that you should know about.

I'd appreciate your input.

Anuptaphobia.

one of the most powerful things we can do is

love ourselves.

yeah it has been said over and over again by the preachers the mothers the teachers the friends and television and magazines and medical professionals.

and why wouldn't we?

yet we are so taken aback; so utterly rocked by emotions that we are often willing to send our love out to any Tom Dick or Harry. what makes us so sure that Tom will feel the same way for the same amount of time? and will Harry wake up in the morning and look at you smiling because half your face is lit by the sun peaking through the window blinds while the other half remains peaceful in the shadows? which Dick are you really getting the hots for?

nothing.

no.

n/a.

it has taken me many years to love myself this much so tell me, why would i turn around and start all over again on somebody else? can i please have ten or twelve or even 13 more years to myself? Anuptaphobia. it's almost as much a fear of being single as it is a fear of not finding someone to love forever. if that's what people are really afraid of then they must not pay very much attention to themselves.

it's OK...check yourself out once in a while.

turn around in the mirror and see what everybody behind you sees. close your eyes for some seconds and then look at yourself again and pretend that you're the only person in the world capable of finding love but you cannot choose who the love is. pretend you really do have Anuptaphobia and pretend that somebody just came over and said you can have the love that is waiting in this taxi or you can spread the love to the entire rest of the population.

you wouldn't lose the love you can give.

you wouldn't lose the love you can find, either.

you wouldn't be losing anything.

unless you chose the love in the cab.

if i'm single today, i'll probably be single tomorrow and most likely the day after as well.

but if i love myself today and tomorrow then the day after i should love myself even more.

i think the more we love ourselves, the better chances we have of finding love.

i think we'll probably find it when we're not looking for it.

and i think too much.

but what i don't think about is the fear of being single.

Anuptaphobia.

it's almost as much a fear of being single as it is a fear of being alone.

and why would we fear being alone when that's exactly how we've come and how we'll go?

MCMLXIX

Pierre Trudeau was Prime Minister of Canada.

Richard Milhous Nixon became 37th President of The United States of America.

John Lennon and Yoko Ono were married.

and then they had a week-long Bed-In for Peace at the Amsterdam Hilton hotel; allowing the world's press to visit them from 0900 until 2100 every day.

the average monthly rent was one-hundred and 35-dollars US.

gas per gallon in the United States was 35-cents.

bell-bottom jeans.

tie-dye t-shirts.

The Montreal Expos ball team played their first home game.

Joe Sakic and Rick Mercer were born.

Led Zeppelin I (first studio-recorded album) released.

Janis Joplin, The Beatles, Grateful Dead, Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young.

"That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind."

400,000 music fans gathered on a New York farm to see Jimi Hendrix, the Who, and more. 

the Death Penalty is abolished in the UK.

The Satanic Bible is written and published by Anton LaVey.

Homosexuality is decriminalized in Canada.

the first automatic teller machine (ATM) was installed in the US.

Golda Meir became the first female prime minister of Israel.

Women are allowed membership of Future Farmers of America.

Quebec teachers end their 18-month long strike.

X-rated, Oscar-winning film, Midnight Cowboy debuts.

Judy Garland dies of a drug overdose in her London home.

Brian Jones drowns in his own swimming pool; also in England.

the halfpenny is no longer legal tender in the UK.

Richard Oakes backed by 90 others offers to buy Alcatraz for $24.00

The Brady Bunch premieres on ABC.

The National Women's Hall of Fame opens.

Maya Angelou publishes, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings.

Kurt Vonnegut publishes, Slaughterhouse-Five. 

Led Zeppelin II album release.

the year that abortion became legal in Canada.

1969

haiku (viii)

twelve thirty-four is

possibly the only time

that makes sense daily.

haiku (vii)

sometimes it's nicer

to love it then learn instead

of learning to love.

personal foreign territory

are we here on this earth because none of the other planets can support life like ours?

do we actually have a purpose?

do we actually have to figure it out?

most people ask, "what are we here for?" they say- things ain't the way they used to be, or things these days just seem to get scarier and scarier. but how would we know?

enough with the questions.

think about the freshest breath of air you've ever taken.

think about the way that you inhaled and smiled because you knew that you were alive and you knew that exhaling would make you feel complete. think about the pause before the next inhale and then think about nothing.

somebody tells you to walk to the mailbox on the corner of 11 street and 17th avenue. once you get there, they say, take a number from one of the posters taped to the mailbox. if you don't have a cellphone this is not a problem because you won't be required to contact the person. 

but if all of the former were to happen to you, would you dial the number anyways?

would you want to find out about this person who you were led to discover?

probably not.

you most likely wouldn't be interested in the service from a mailbox or you probably wouldn't want to bother wasting a call or you might even consider for a second why a random person was telling you to walk to this particular mailbox and take a number from a poster in the first place.

you may feel as if a stranger should have no business telling you what to do and which way to go.

you may think instead about what a unique situation you've managed to land yourself in...suddenly.

suddenly you are swept away into a world with different air and a different kind of rhythm.

how many times can you say you've been completely blindsided and pleasantly surprised at exactly the same time?

how many times have you walked to your mailbox or past mailboxes only to glance past the posters taped up along the back and sides?

some do it every day.

but the second we are led to discover something so simple; something so positively easy to have been discovered on our own,

we are blindsided.

we get so used to doing the same things every day that when somebody comes along and tells us to do it we see it as entirely foreign yet

exactly right.

it's like breathing the freshest breath of air.

i am in a personal foreign territory and i don't want out.

there's always that person you're used to seeing used up. busy doing everything that hurts them; everything that cuts them down. why do people let themselves take the fall for the faults of others?

why do people choose to live a life they wouldn't choose? 

well, we do it every day. you and I and him, too. 

one of the most valuable things we learn from others is how to hurt each other. 

is it because when we're hurting we know we're alive?

Junk - anything that is regarded as useless, unwanted, trash. a lot of the time junk is broken to the point of no return. other times, junk is the external genitals or something horribly addictive. junk is hard to save.

Born into a world of lying and cheating and stealing, Sloan never thought twice about looking out for the best interest of a child. children aren't right for a world of lying and cheating and stealing. children don't understand what it means for a body to be found in a ditch. would you volunteer to explain something like that, to a child?

A decade long battle of fighting for top spot between a rock and a hard place. a person can only lean so far before toppling over; before throwing themselves out with the friday morning trash. the difference between giving up in this world is the difference between the ditch and as far away as one can get without really being gone.

He was as bright as the afternoon sun when he walked into a room. Monday mornings were a bit different because the previous two days' and nights' events were anything but bright. he wasn't dark in an offensive or morbid way because his darkness didn't result from a lack of light. his darkness came, rather, from an absence of hopefulness. in a world where you have to be your biggest cheerleader, he was cheering for everybody but himself.

haiku (vi)

when you're tired of 

picking sides stop picking and

choose yourself instead.

haiku (v)

people in your life

they come and they go and then

you ask them to stay.

TwistedTwins Productions and IndustryWorks Picture House presents...

 watch the trailer here

She was just another eager student trying to find the American Dream - trying to reach the ideas of happiness and success by working hard, impressing her professors, and becoming a surgeon.

She was almost there.

But can you imagine what happened to the beautiful brunette who dropped out of med school?

I doubt it.

Anxious to follow in the footsteps of her highly-regarded professor, while accepting the role of starving student, the ambitious Mary Mason has everything in her to be a surgeon. She's intelligent and dedicated and focused to the point of obsession. She will perform her way through American Mary, and into the shockingly dark world she so desires for herself.

This character-driven feature introduces the word "clinical" to us in the simplest of terms.

The definition of the word changes, however, as we watch in stylized horror as the world Mary believed in goes from dark to darker.

We see it as analytic in the way Mary proceeds by example of her ideal surgeon and mentor, Dr. Grant.

We watch it evolve into the detached and messy world of underground cosmetic surgeries first brought about to her in the form of five thousand cold hard cash.

When the reality she believed to be her American Dream is traumatically twisted by those she looked up to, Mary twists herself further into a world that is entirely new yet exactly her forte. In a world where money and success seem to be far in the distance yet hand-in-hand, Mary finds an ally in Billy Barker, a strip-joint owner who hands her the former and leads her to discover the latter. But in a world as numb and harsh as the underground, Mary quickly becomes Doctor Mason, a med. school drop-out performing at-home-surgery... for her life.

The carefully constructed cast includes identical twin writers and directors, Jen and Sylvia Soska; the Twisted Twins, first stepping into the independent horror scene with their 2009 feature film, 'Dead Hooker in a Trunk.'

Mary Mason, played by Katharine Isabelle (Ginger Snaps) rules the leading role in this horror while enduring the transformation of scholarly student to serial slasher.

Billy Barker, the emotionless yet charming owner of the Bourbon A Go-Go gentleman's club, is played by Antonio Cupo (Dark Angel).

While Mary's obsession to pursue the ultimate American Dream grows darker, Billy's obsession with his newest girl at the club grows fonder. Instead, now Mary is the one becoming detached. Instead, now Billy is the one becoming emotional.

Mary soon discovers that you can't get emotional while you're cutting into somebody, and in the words of her mentor, 'don't fuck up,' may mean don't mistake the allure of money and success as the ultimate American Dream.

what do you call 1000 hippies falling from the sky?

take your ass off the sofa and put it on the ground.

the cement the grass the wooden step whatever works.

you're here today because you've been lucky.

maybe you've been loving and living and longing for something else

but for right now you're here and here you are.

breathing is different with your eyes closed.

breathe in,

but close your eyes first and it's something else.

the air wanders through like an after-dinner mint

refreshing.

strong.

necessary.

different.

Different is always good because it's not the same and if we think of it that way then we're thinking straight.

can you imagine a world that was different from ours yet entirely

the same?

what would we call it?

similar?

breathe out,

but open your eyes this time and see that you're living.

feel yourself in this world

feel the cement the grass the wood step underneath your ass

take it in and believe that this is the only place you're supposed to be right now

and right now this is the place for you.

Now is everything you've been living and loving and longing for.

can you imagine it any other way?

satisfied?

some would call it, Acid Rain.

haiku (iv)

dog day afternoon

save all your loving for me

i'll do it for you.

haiku (iii)

Vancouver, in love

bicycles, coffee, vintage:

a shop a corner

just me. and Iron Maiden.

i love to read. i love to listen to music.

i'm not sure i'm one of those people who'd go as far as reading

with headphones on

but last night i skipped the reading and sat with my headphones,

on the floor of my room cross-legged.

http://www.setlist.fm/setlist/iron-maiden/2012/scotiabank-saddledome-calgary-ab-canada-5bdc8374.html

^ ^ this setlist is from last night's mind-and-eardrum-blowing experience at the Scotiabank Saddledome.

it pains me to see that they performed Can I Play With Madness right off the top.

rather, it kills me that i missed this whole thing live but i've seen them before and that's what really counts. because if you're trying to figure out what the hell hard rock/metal is all about then you need to listen to this band.

you'll need to start with the title album of 1980 and continue until you get to 2000's Brave New World.

if you made it through all that then i know you're begging for more... so you should then continue on with the next three albums because once you've finished the band's discography there's a much bigger fish to fry.

Bruce

fucking

Dickinson.

lead vocalist from 1981-1993 and then back again in 1999 to continue his most perfect position as frontman of the greatest hard rock/metal band to ever appear in the British and International music scenes.

i've obviously never met any of the band members but because of his Metal-God capacity, i'm not entirely sure that i would survive meeting the man....the man!!

and i say this to make known his amazing capabilities.

he is a singer, songwriter, author, screenwriter, airline pilot, broadcaster, fencer, and actor.

he really is THE man!

and he is the bigger fish to fry...

when he left in '93 it was to pursue a solo career,

which gave us another five albums to sit and listen to.

he is truly what they mean when they refer to a lead-vocalist.

he is what makes people say, "holy mother of fuck on earth" when he opens his mouth.

he and his many talents and pursuits are what coined him,

a "living example of a polymath"

by the Winter edition of Intelligent Life.

and if i may say this again,

he really is THE MAN!

Iron Maiden has been rocking socks and melting faces for 37 years.

on Christmas Day in 1975, bassist and primary songwriter

Steve Harris,

inspired by the Alexandre Dumas novel-turned-film,

The Man in the Iron Mask (1939)

inspired by the Iron Maiden

(torture device)

gave birth to the band of which he is the only member to have remained since inception and, along with guitarist Dave Murray, to have appeared on all of their albums.

**[it was announced not even 10 days ago that Harris will bring us his debut solo album, British Lion in September]

Iron Maiden might not be metal's favourite band like it is mine but there's one thing you can't deny and that is the fact that Iron Maiden has gotten better with age. their first of three "Best Live Act" awards was earned 30 years into their career. the other two were awarded last year for Best Hard Rock Live Act and Best International Live Act. they were named Band of the Year in 2009 by Classic Rock (magazine) Roll of Honour Awards, and let's not forget their 2010 Juno for DVD Of The YEAR,

Iron Maiden: Flight 666 (2009)

...need i not re-mention that Bruce (fucking) Dickinson was the pilot of Ed Force One for the concert-documentary?

i didn't think so.

so yeah...

i love to read. i love to listen to music.

i'm not sure i'm one of those people who'd go as far as reading

with headphones on

but last night i skipped the reading and sat with my headphones,

on the floor of my room cross-legged.

just me. and Iron Maiden.

in my... opinion.

at this point people are just time bombs.

tick!

tick!

tick!

waiting to go off on some subject or other.

they ask, "what happened to freedom of speech?"

they say, "we are the majority."

the thing is, nobody gives a shit about freedom of speech.

and if people really do care to hear what you have to say,

they'll ask you.

just because there's such thing as freedom of speech, doesn't mean there's such thing as a good listener.

but in any sense, you should all be a good listener at some point.

why?

because here on this planet we are all guests.  

we are all part of the minority and we are all part of the grand soul.

did you know there are over one million species of insects in the world?

and that number obviously doesn't reflect the more than 100 thousand species of arthropods.

so the next time you try and tell someone you're part of the majority,

i hope you think of the insects.

if you want to talk about opinion, let's talk about art.

now there's a subject inundated with opinion.

and not to say that opinion is different from fact, but we all know that there's a fine line between what people are willing to hear and what they're willing to believe.

Pablo Picasso said, "Art is the lie that enables us to realize the truth."

so whether we get lost in art or whether we are found through it, we are only involved momentarily.

we are only as involved as we choose to be.

and we even know it's still as useless as our opinion of it.

we know that it's never really finished;

much like opinion.

it is completely true.

and beautiful, and absolutely

useless.

*Arthropod: an invertebrate animal having an exoskeleton, a segmented body, and jointed appendages.

haiku (ii)

how was your weekend?

it's just another Tuesday

passing through to ask.

haiku (i)

good coffee drinking 

can make you forget about

it being morning.

if you can, then you should.

the next time you think you're all that,

just remember that you and i and everyone came

screaming

out of

a vagina.

there are certain people in our lives that hardly ever get enough recognition. these are the kind of beautiful-inside-and-out people. these are the people who we walk past in the street and stand behind in lines. these are the girls who turned into women who turned into mothers. these are the lovers and fighters and believers and wishmakers. these are the housekeepers and homemakers and entrepreneurs. so when Beyonce asked,
"who run the world?" she wasn't kidding around.

people say, "boys will be boys."
but girls will be girls too.
and there's one type of girl who will always be, that girl.

that girl who fell.
that girl who got right back up.
that girl who went out and grabbed the world by the lapels.
that girl who became stronger by being brave.
that girl made of sugar and spice and everything nice.
that girl who put her life on hold.
that girl who gave you life.
Your Mother;
that girl.

can you tell her, thank you?
can you tell her she's everything you've ever wanted to look up to?
can you tell her that anywhere in this world would be lonely
without her?

hard to find, easy to lose.

i'm not talking about four-leaf clovers.

you can spend a long time trying to love yourself.

you can spend months, years, decades even.

I have two tickets to Iron Maiden, baby, come with me Thursday -

don't say maybe.

cold, like metal and hard, too.

if you think loving yourself is hard, try trust -

something just as easy to lose...just as hard to find.

if you think trusting yourself is hard, try love again

Always love -

hate will get you every time.

even though sometimes love can be so sweet there's something almost sour about it.

even though it takes away more than you think you can give.

I want to love you and treat you right -

I want to love you every day and every night. 

if you can trust yourself enough to love yourself...

it's worth it, even if it does take forever.

just another day. (perfect)

there is a light grey/mostly white blanket over the city today.

it says 16 degrees currently but i'm willing to bet that it feels like less.

when you spend a lot of time with yourself you begin to realize how much is around you -

besides the weather; which begins 90% of conversations -

there's just the sky and just the clouds and just the sound the wind makes through the leaves.

there's a lot more than a lot less and i think that's what people sometimes forget.

the flowers and the mosquitoes and the airplanes that cross our paths daily... sometimes we don't notice them at all. maybe because we can't always hear them happening around us; maybe because we've got better things to do.

but everybody's noticed the same thing at some point.

"it's a beautiful day!"

take; for example, your favourite place in the world.

put yourself there with an open mind and crossed legs.

take it all in.

the view; the company; the smell; the amount of light; the amount of darkness -

the beauty of it all.

remove nothing but the weather from your favourite place in the world.

paint the sky light grey/mostly whitish.

is it still your favourite place?

is it still beautiful?

a beautiful day cannot be defined by the weather.

the weather can only make something more or less perfect.

and if perfect is just getting to live another day,

then every one of the days is a beautiful one.

it wasn't an opinion.

today.

words, today.

they're all over my brain and slipping out my ears but they're not running from my fingertips quite as well as they usually do.

possibly because i am astonished. possibly because this particular topic of conversation is best served over ice on a patio with a breathtaking landscape in the background.

it completely astonishes me that one person can be so completely stunned.

I heard this once...

"you must be two people because not one person can be that stupid!"

with a wave of optimism, I will give her the benefit of the doubt because she has been a mother since she was sixteen years old and she has had more children since then.

her oldest daughter is not yet sixteen. she's beautiful and smart and she's throwing a lot of her life away for a boy she likes. she's spending nearly all of her time with him - probably in or around his bed; she's telling him that she loves him; she's bringing him to grandma and grandpa's house; she's sleeping in grandma's bed - with him; and she's allowed to do all of this because her mother is that stupid.

with a wave of realism, I will give her absolutely no benefit of the doubt because her own daughter doesn't have an example to know

any different.

some kind of celebration.

i think a lot of the time people have no idea what a birthday means.

it's another year of life, lived

it's a day to be around people who care to know

it's the 24 hours of sun before a 364 day winter

it's yours and mine and everybody's to have

anyone who makes it through one more year in this world deserves some kind of celebration.

surprise! ~~

you're another year older you son of a gun, you! 

you've been in love in lust in waiting in hurting in wanting in and out of lives.

surprise! ~~ surprise! ~~

there are so many people in this world waiting to be in love-

waiting to be wanted and waiting to be found...

you just never know when to expect them.

my birthday wishes so far always come true because my wishes

are for more birthdays.

let your own emotions be your guide and not the fears of others.

this life is too short to not love.

it was Happy Birthday, Canada

"everything was going great until i got kicked out of the forest."

it's all fun and games until somebody gets kicked out of nature...

that the worst.

Y.O.L.O.

why not make her birthday a surprise?

somebody at some point said it.

and even so, promises should be made with the intention of being kept.

impressions aren't everything but they are quite a bit of something

and so from three to five we went.

post-Ted there were brewskis for everyone,

a patio in the sun on the corner of the street.

three dollar pints of Heineken and cupcakes for Canada's birthday...

suddenly we got sucked in by Edmonton;

after another six blocks we were party rocking drinking smoking loving.

You Only Live Once.

DJ sounds, drinks, and BBQ smells

20 bucks for a walking stick that can't be bought

safety in numbers and laughter as loud as the noise limit.

looking for last call in the rain.

You Obviously Lack Originality.

fireworks from the balcony that stop and start like giant popcorn nearing the end of its time in a microwave.

the difference in volume from five to eight people is immense.

Kokanee and Canadian and wine for the girls.

coffee for the driver.

and the best way to get out of asking a girl for her number is to ask,

"what was that you said? did you want my number?"

the last time i checked, it was only in Edmonton.

mid-week Security system.

Increasing the security factor wherever you are now allows you to take risks and move toward your goals with greater success.

Security.
defined: safety; protection
see also:  aegis, agreement, armament, armor, asylum, bail, bond, care, collateral, compact, contract, covenant, cover, custody, defense, earnest, freedom, guarantee, guard, immunity, insurance, pact, pawn, pledge, precaution, preservation, promise, redemption, refuge, retreat, safeguard, safekeeping, safeness, safety measure, salvation, sanctuary, shelter, shield, surety, surveillance, token, ward, warrant


there are generally four antonyms 
to this word: danger; insecurity; peril; trouble


words are fascinating because they are the things that we use most daily.
i do say this with consideration of the mute. they use words just like those of us who can speak.
their words are just not accompanied by sound, just as ours are not always accompanied by gestures.


so what is the security factor?
knowing absolutely everything that you ask?
a guarantee of the unknown?
freedom to act?


how can you tell security from trouble?
putting pictures up around your work space can make you feel closer to your loved ones.
thanking a coworker for their kindness and help.
practicing the things you've been expected to learn.
understanding that there are those in this world who will not be pleased by you and your character.
continuing to ask questions about things that you're unsure of.
maintaining an open relationship with the office to avoid any sign of favouritism.
opening yourself up so others too, will let you in.


trouble comes when someone fails to remember to look both ways before crossing the street.

properly happy

we didn't have to do a lot,
we just had to be together.
and after a five hour drive we were; though the last two hours were spent
in circles,
probably around my building or back and forth and around the river valley
but-
it didn't matter.
because by then all three of our faces were glowing with teeth
and the word, "finally" could be seen faintly on all of our foreheads.
I hadn't eaten that much in an entire week here, as I did on that first night.
it was the best because it was;
the two of you and me;
everything to say and everything to listen to;
a walk to the grocery store for ice cream at nine at night;
tre tazze di espresso a la mattina;
the most fun I've had living in Edmonton.

a list of learning.

• dogs in Italy have their own gelato
• drivers in Edmonton are just as bad as drivers in Calgary
• construction in Edmonton is just as bad as construction in Calgary
• Kelowna has the highest rate of alcohol-related hospitalizations in all of BC
• Marky Mark is producing a movie for himself to co-star in alongside Justin Bieber
• the people of Edmonton love their Eskimos
• not all people with orange hair are as frightening as clowns
• getting engaged can turn a hippie hysterical
• one of the golf courses in Ontario is using goats as groundskeepers...Whipper and Snipper
• chances are if you'd like something done your way, you'll need to do it yourself
• 2012 toonies and loonies typically won't work in most vending/laundry machines or parking metres
• killing lions in Kenya is a crime yet at least 100 lions are killed there every year
• two weeks of sleeps until the the Calgary Stampede Centennial
• the more females you hire, the more chances you have of seeing ladies underwear
• every day is a new day and a new day is a good day
• Tres Carnales Taqueria | Tacos for the People!

courtesy, Ted Field (Global News)

A suspect in an Edmonton triple murder was arrested by U.S.Border officials and is returned to Canada.

collect, call.

Memories seem close to the surface, but you aren't quite as vulnerable today as you've been recently. Logic is your greatest ally now, helping you to understand the differences between the past and the present. It's essential to stay emotionally available, even if you're afraid. Keep your feelings out in the open and communicate your fears to someone you trust. The power of your emotions will diminish as they are brought into the light.

Memories seem close on this third Sunday of June?

how positively normal this is.

but no, not nearly as vulnerable today as last week, or even Friday.

if Logic is on my side then I'm pretty sure I know where it's coming from.

if everybody can't be with theirs today than I certainly don't deserve or need to.

let's skip how essential it is to be emotionally available in a city where you can't even trust your coworkers carrying guns. seems like it's more prevalent to be emotionally stable or emotionally confident or emotionally prepared wherever you go; with pepperspray.

in spite of being afraid, i'd like to communicate how thankful i am to be able to speak with some of the most intelligent people i know, whenever i want to.

i've been raised by the hardest working pair of hands and have been left in good ones now.

turn

(part 3/3)

Travis's mother has issued a formal plea for her son.

she has also made it aware to police that a new license plate is likely to be on his truck.

"i'm sorry that we had an argument last night...but i want you to come home and do the right thing. let's work this out together."

"...as your mother, I ask that you come forward now and take responsibility for your actions."

"...please, i love you, and i am pleading with you with all of my heart, to end this without further bloodshed."

"...as your mother, i promise to you now, that i will be there by your side to support you."

"you are not alone Trav. please, i love you and want to help you. call police now and end this peacefully."

once again, Baumgartner is said to be driving a

darker blue F150 pickup truck

Alberta license plate is now: CAA-636

before it gets better, it gets worse.

(part 2 of 3)

around midnight this morning, a five-man (including one woman) crew of G4S Security armoured guards were making a delivery to the ATMs on University of Alberta campus.

it is believed that one of the males, 21 years of age, fired shots which killed three of his coworkers and critically injured the fourth.

volunteer members of campus Safewalk discovered the bodies, one of which was moaning in agony and yelling for assistance. EPS was called, along with EMS, along with homicide.

the suspect had fled in the armoured car and was named person of interest this afternoon.

Travis Brandon Baumgartner, 21 of Sherwood Park is wanted for

three

counts of first-degree murder

and one

of attempted murder

his whereabouts are unknown and EPS is warning the public to take extra caution if they encounter the suspect - as they believe him to be armed and dangerous.

Flamingo Drive in Sherwood Park; where Baumgartner is said to reside with his mother, was cordoned off by police today as early as lunch hour, when they began going door to door with questions.

by 6:00 pm residents of the street were still waiting to gain access to their houses.

the elementary school across from the Baumgartner residence was on lockdown all afternoon.

parents were notified to pick their children up from the nearby church.

anyone who has any information on this man's whereabouts is being asked to contact Edmonton Police Services immediately.

if you see this man, do not approach him.

this man is in a great deal of trouble.

Brinks Security has set up a trust fund for the armoured car victims and contributions can be made through any area Royal Bank.

the victims of the G4S armoured car robbery have been identified as

Michelle Shegelski

Brian Ilesic

Eddie Rejano

the fourth victim who remains in hospital in critical condition is Matthew Schuman

Baumgartner drives a blue F150

Alberta license plate: ZRE-724

woke up this morning...

http://www.globaltvedmonton.com/students+describe+university+shooting+that+has+killed+three/6442661639/story.html

...got yourself a gun?

(part 1 of 3)

hit the news running

last night in Edmonton well before midnight, a man was most likely on his way home from work.

this man worked at some kind of warehouse.

he'd recently moved here from Ontario for a fresh start.

he was driving when he noticed another motorist pulled over to the side of the road.

was it engine trouble? a flat tire? dead battery?

whatever it was, this man pulled over to help.

while he was placing warning pylons around the shoulder, he was struck by a dark-coloured SUV

whoever it was, fled the scene.

a hit and run.

this morning a phone call came into the station around 0830

another body was found.

this time, inside a recycling plant.

someone must have been seriously confused because although human flesh is biodegradable, it is not

recyclable.

by 1600 they still hadn't removed the body from the scene.

a suspicious death? a workplace accident? (probably not)

an autopsy is scheduled for tomorrow.

for the first time in Canadian history a judge was charged with first-degree murder today.

and for the first time in 60 years, Coca-Cola will conduct business with Myanmar.

(for those of you wondering where that is, it is sometimes referred to as Burma)

students in both the west and east coast are now petitioning to get their teachers reinstated.

the news never stops.

and that's the best part of my job.

if America is the land of dreams then i don't want to know how bad their nightmares are.

for years.
four years to be exact.
they say, if you don't think something can get any worse you lack imagination.
they say, before it gets better it gets worse.
they say, the basic problem is that neither can they live together very peacefully nor can they stay happy without each other.
peculiar habits they both have.
water and earth.

Hello, my name is

you walk inside and there's the cutest little kitchenette immediately to your right.
the closet has sliding doors and it's on the left side.
and then in front of you the blue sofa.
and across from that there's a chair that's not blue and not green either,
and i'm pretty sure there is a man who sits there
and waits for me to get home from work.


let's go outside.
first to my balcony,
where there's the lovely city of Edmonton to take in.
if heights is a problem of yours then you'll not want to look down because i'm on the twelfth floor and i wish i was higher.
there are 34 floors in this building.


downtown living is loud,
go figure.
but it's not as loud as you would think.
the noise gets quieter with the setting sun and then louder when the lights change at the intersections.
i want nothing more than to breathe in the knowledge that this city is going to offer me.
it started this morning.

keep your enemies close, keep your Virgos closer

you'll be a good friend to most Virgos, but in particular those born between 13 September and 22.

if you were asked to define: "high-class social action"

would you say, fun?

adventure?

entertainment?

if you get involved with one of these Virgos, they’ll bring a smile to your face,

and their general knowledge will keep you

interested and entertained.

don't we all love being interested?

Earth signs true to their name are, down-to-earth;

but ruled by Mercury.

they are very different planets but they're both near the sun

and therefore often in each others' neighbourhood.

their shared goals and desires make theirs a highly compatible love match.

moody and emotional, I am.

while they're all so communicative and analytical.

it doesn't seem to matter though,

their personalities just seem to work.

they fit perfectly together in the bedroom.

He takes some warming up,

and luckily I've been taught how to start a fire.

but there's always problem.

in the case of these two,

the problem

is caring

too much.

crazy, isn't it?

to think that consideration in surplus would be a problem -

could be a problem.

you know those jeans?

your favourite pair.

they make your ass look great and they don't cut into your hips and you can wear them with runners or heels and you put them in your carry-on because you don't trust them going through baggage claim -?

you know those jeans?

if you could, you'd marry those jeans.

from Edmonton, with - - - - -

this time next week there will be suitcases.

and shoe-tcases,

(a suitcase for only shoes)

there will be a serious amount of complaining and worrying.

there will be a serious amount of change,

short-term change.

do you remember what it feels like to see a magic trick happen,

for the first time?

there's the initial doubt cast upon magician,

the movements,

the questions,

the routine.

then there is your involvement,

your suspense,

your awaiting.

and then you think,

how the hell did that happen?

there was doubt in the beginning but it wasn't impeding any movements;

stopping no questions.

if you have a routine you don't usually want to change it,

but a new routine is like a breath of fresh air -

and we all need a little oxygen to live.

involved now, you're waiting and suspended in the reality of

how

the

hell

did that

happen?

do you remember what it feels like to see magic?

I'm coming for you, 

YEG.

simply stupid.

there's something to be said about trust.

possibly the worst word in the entire English language.

you buy a used car and trust the greasy salesman that its not a lemon.

you eat at a restaurant and trust that the kitchen didn't do anything disgusting to your food when you send it back.

you ask questions of your professors and trust that they give you the right answers.

it is so not hard to trust people,

and you're lying if you say it is.

it is actually because trusting is so incredibly easy, that it becomes so hard.

trusting can cost you a lot of money. it can cost you your health, your job.

when you put your trust in somebody, you put your credibility

in somebody.

when you put your trust in somebody, you put your intelligence

on hold.

- i recently forgot that these two things happen when you trust someone

and it cost me possibly the most serious goal I ever set for myself.

and it made me look simply stupid.

Paige Wilson said,   

"You can only trust yourself...and barely that."

I trust myself more than I should and that's only because I grew up knowing that trust hardly exists.

possibly the worst word in the entire English language.

trust your heart, they say.

trust your instincts, too.

trust your parents, your friends,

there are so many things you can trust, you just must!

seriously though,

don't do it.

if i hear this one more time.

Hey - I just met you.

And this is crazy, 

but here's my number:

(403)-836-3260

so call me, maybe.

good morning, Mothers

i didn't sleep in my own bed last night.

but i felt warm and comfortable and safe.

good morning, Sunday.

good morning, Mother's Day.

it's finally here,

the day we celebrate the woman whose vagina we came into this world through.

the day we celebrate the woman who woke us up before the sun, made our lunches for school,

reminded us that our science project was still on the kitchen table, and tucked us in at night after making our dinner and teaching us how to grow.

the day; today, we celebrate the woman who maybe saved us,

maybe gave us everything we never thought we could have.

maybe everything we thought she'd not be able to give.

so to the women; the mothers; the best friends; the saints; the saviours:

Happy Mother's Day.

every day should somehow be for you.

YOU ARE AWESOME! :)

haha..why am i awesome?

Just cuz you are. I think you're pretty spectacular :)

and i figure if no one has told you lately, someone should.

well..isn't that lovely?

yes, it is.

one good fuck deserves another.

i'm really not a girl-friend.

i'm not a girlfriend, either.

but i've been there. both places.

having to be a girl-friend is much more difficult because you can't suck a girl's dick to make her feel better.

among other things, i suppose...

girls are fun when you have a girls night and everybody gets along.

in other words,

girls are fun when you feel like it.

at the same time that girls can be fun, they can be awful.

they can be wicked and cruel and catty; my favourite of terms.

most of all, they're horrible to themselves.

girls don't realize how much power they have because of the almighty vagina.

the only woman to have ever melted was the Wicked Witch of the West...and even then, she was supernatural so i'm sure it doesn't count.

the point is, boys melt.

and that's why a girlfriend will get away with more than a girl-friend.

girls are also fun when you have to sit and listen to the stupid things they've done.

the stupid and hurtful things that they have put themselves through.

themselves through...

girls! do other girls; and lets not even mention boys, not hurt you

enough,

already?

i'd say so, yes.

what else makes girls fun?

the lying? the revenge? the snakey eyes?

well yeah, those things are what make anyone fun.

but girls are fun, most of all, because they don't even know it.

here.. i'm a boy.

i'm a boy you like and i'm a boy who is a complete and total asshole.

i won't say hello if i walk into a room full of people that i know.

i won't smile unless someone says something to add to the height of my horse.

i won't look you in the eye and tell you that i've said awful things about you for no reason.

i won't let you get away unnoticed, though.

so the girl; who i most certainly am not, will...

give him the attention he craves; no, requires.

give him the laughter...the air for his tires.

the eyelashes...a perfect boost for an ego.

until eventually, she gives him the most important thing.

herself.

and it happens this way all the time; every day.

girls talking to their girl-friends about boys who made them feel awful.

made them feel as if they were on an even-playing field,

only to come from behind with a new game plan.

one that pleases and benefits only them.

and as a former-girlfriend, i've been hurt of course.

i've hurt, of course.

but myself? no.

i don't let someone hate my guts, and then fuck them because they have a sudden change of heart.

they have an erectile epiphany that's supported only by liquid courage and a sweaty dance floor. 

they have the perfect recipe for a fun girl.

a girl who deserves everything she gets because she lets it happen.