31.1.11

eddie you ok?

he hasn't an enemy in the world - but all of his friends hate him
-eddie cantor

everything was going right for a while
and then one day there was bad news
and for a few days after the bad news there's a length of time
and it's called self-reflection
one of the things that seperates humans from animals
the ability to self-reflect
there's the initial shock
pause, replay the words
your mind creates its own assembly line of thought
but you don't dwell on it because it is out of your control
but remember after the plane hit the first tower, another plane came and hit the other one?
anything can happen in this world, you see
and everything does happen - day by day
so you think how is this even possible
but of course it is
even more shock
and it's huge, and it's tragic
but there's just no way that it happened
no, it definitely did
you'll skip out on the ceremonies because you're defiant
and then at the end of the day it's gone from your mind
only to be recalled on other days, in other conversations
you haven't had to deal with anything this heavy in a while but you'll manage it because if you don't then what's the point?
we're all here to learn
every single one of us is trying to figure it out
here we are again back down that same alley
and so the plan is
live each day with a mind that's available
listen and observe and act with good intentions
send out energy that will win the hearts of everybody
and while you cannot save someone who doesn't want to be saved
or change someone who doesnt want to be changed
it will happen if it needs to and it will happen for a reason
and when the time comes there will be duties paid
you can bet your ass
every day you will make the best of it but you will know what you've been part of
where you've come from, in a sense
who you have chosen to be before; the same person you cannot grow out of
you ran with the devil and left a trail of excuses

don't tell me that it's over, stand up
i'm not nervous anymore
i feel my vision slipping in and out of focus
i'm pushing on
i'm ok
because every day i'm still in love with
one new thing

27.1.11

h8 days a week

if you could change one thing
about yourself what would it be?
if you could erase one relationship
remove an entire year
take back a whole dialogue -would you do it?

every thursday
every friday
every saturday
every sunday
every week
until it's better
til i'm better

11.1.11

the morning news

step back for a minute and take the time to love yourself
love yourself for everything that you're worth because you
are worth it all.

since day one back in september, it has been thrilling-
this reality that i have become part of
because that's what i wanted, right?
i wanted to be rid of the casualties of high school drama
i needed to find myself something bigger
i had to see myself in the world -and i had to believe it all, too
believe it possible

my mind runs constantly and it always has but now
i can feel it and it feels heavier than ever before
so i get out of bed in the morning and i make a coffee and watch the news or something even more practical like the weather network
slowly but surely i am making my way through all of this
and i know it because i'm starting to think about bigger things
heavier things
and i will get so excited that all i can manage to do is
smile
to hear someone ask why is obviously normal
but if you truely know me then you'll know what smiling means

so now here i am
one-quarter.
twenty-five percent.
halfway to being halfway there.

i have been falling together since september
suddenly and simply
and passionately
i'm not saying that everything is exactly how i want it to be
but it's pretty damn close

because i took a step back for just a minute
and i stopped trying to please myself-
and i started to take myself seriously
i started to take all of this seriously
because everything that i was surrounded by right in that very minute
was worth it all

and now?
now that i'm thrilled to get out of bed
now that i'm heading in the direction of my dreams
well, i guess we'll see

but i've never been so sure of myself.

1.1.11

cheers

this is another chance for me to get it right
happy new year ladies and gentlemen