Shaw Holiday Log

i started this blog shortly after my life changed. when we lost our dad, my brother and I lost a part of ourselves and i remember every piece of what i can recollect that day so vividly...even 9 years later

back then my favourite thing to do was listen to music, read, write.
Picture your whole world suddenly falling down a rabbit hole and you're standing on the ceiling, walking, but barely; crying mostly.

the biggest thing i remember that week after dad died was watching the fireplace channel.

shocking. not really, it was pretty traumatic to learn your parent has died.
my brother was a child, he couldn't process it - I could barely process it at fifteen.

and forever after, to this day we wonder how things could have been. my dad was 41 years old.

when you lose your parent as a child i think you become fragile inside. i think you are more emotional and therefore, more likely to act on emotion. i find that i worry more, and by worry i mean when something can go wrong with a situation my mind turns to the utmost horrifying outcome.

there is still so much to learn.

my dad died and nobody really had any idea. mom found him but only after trying without success to reach him all day and it was terrifying for her. to feel that the love of her life was not OK.

the doctors confirmed what's called a terminal seizure and when they found him it had been hours

nine years is a long time. and it never get easier to know they're gone.